Last night I was having a dream with a good level of self control and awareness. It got to the point where I left my dream companions and actively knew I was leaving to investigate something that had meaning in real life, but wasn't applicable to the current dream. I drifted away from my dream people and entered a convenience shop. The store opened into a hotel-like floor with an attendant in the corner. I went over and asked the person where I could find someone, and I said his real name. Mind you, I have gone the gamut with how I think of my relationship with this person. He was certainly the cause of my awakening and for a long time I was sure he was my twin flame. I often had powerful dreams of the two of us. We are not in contact as much anymore, and I think I got too close for comfort and made our relationship too different and uncomfortable in terms of normal standards. It was painful to release our bond, but I chalked it up to maybe the reality was that we were merely a karmic relationship or that it was all projection on my part. Regardless, I made myself let go for both of our well beings. It's been a long time since a powerful dream has happened, especially with any real communication. But even before, after I had a powerful intimate dream and saw him the next day, it wasn't an exact match to the person I felt I had been with in a lucid dream state. This had always led me to believe I was either imagining the whole thing or connecting with this person's higher self. A maddening conundrum that always made me question everything
Anyway, after the attendant told me he was usually 'in there', I ran into the cafe where he indicated he would be present. It was a beautiful open space with high ceilings and almost Roman-esque simplicity with small square tables. I was so excited to see him, he was sitting there around a corner reading a newspaper with a bottle of water. I ran to him and wanted to topple him with a hug, but I didn't want to be impolite. I ended up skidding behind his chair and grabbing the back of the chair before turning to him and saying, "Don't leave me again," and I was crying. It felt like I had finally found him and we were deeply reconnecting on an honest and vulnerable level after such a long long time. He looked noticeably different and a bit older than his physical body, but also more patient and loving. I was still crying as he says I know about his tragedy - I ask what this is, and he says it is his father dying. This stops me because while I know this happened, it occurred before I even met this person in real life, so it's not a recent event. Here I faded into blackness almost like I was going to lose the dream and wake up, but I managed to get back.
Then he asks something along the lines of if I know my real name. Like my soul name or something. I try to think but I can tell I'm just making possibilities up without any meaning so I stop. It also bothers me that he's asking spiritual development questions when I just want to BE with him. I see that he has suddenly moved to the end of a square table two tables away, and this greatly upsets me because I interpret it as he doesn't want to be close to me. I start to cry harder and I think he maybe wants to comfort me and come to me but I'm so upset the connection breaks and I am out of the dream before anything can happen.
I was definitely lucid throughout this entire thing, making the conscious choice to look for him and remembering all this conversation and my genuine reactions. Do you think this would mesh with talking with someone's higher self? Because it's definitely not him in real life, but in the dream it is clear that it certainly is him, the him I remember from before, but even wiser and more loving. Some of the same issues seem to be there that are in his human self, too. Although, those issues might simply be coming from me. Also, does this mean it's likely he dreams of me and connects with my higher self? Or is the 'me' that is conscious in the dream a higher part of my own self? It seems like a disadvantaged conversation if I can only interact with him as a higher version of him only using my normal everyday self haha.