[~Lioness~]

I've turned 31. I just want to share a little bit of what I'm thinking about today. Today is the last day of the Lions gate portal being open, so it will close today. For several years, I felt a surge of energy two months before my birthday that will gradually get stronger and peak on august 12, then fade away after that. This year, I felt conflicted the last two months, no surge of energy from the universe. However, today, my birthday, it all hit me. I sounds so self-centered, because all of this is about me, but it's more like, the universe sent a loving beam to me to brighten me up. I cut my hair, I took a long shower. Why am I so self-centered? It's all about me. Fixing me. Healing myself. I don't need to create more conflict, I already understand.

When I had a walk-in, which could have been a soulbraid, with my twin flame, it was like I had to relearn how to be me. Who I am. I let my soul go, because I was in so much pain. I couldn't replace her, I couldn't bring her back to me. Such a pivotal point in my life. I wasn't interested in figuring out the spiritual side of life. I was spiritual, but solid, and never really talked about spirituality. I'm just confused and a little lost. I remember glimpses of the person I was, but she is gone. I guess.

So I'm turning 31, and wondering what is the purpose of my life. I have healed as much as I can. I don't know where to go from here. Everything that happened back then, a lot of it was delusions. I was sick with psychosis and the reason I thought I saw so many SIGNS, is because I was hallucinating them. I'm still on antipsychotic medication, tried to go off them a couple times and the psychosis came back. I feel like half a person.

I miss my son. I lost my twin flame because I was sick. That really hurt deep.

The way my life could have gone, had I not gotten sick. I would be happy. I would have my son, I would have the girl I love. I'm not really happy, I'm basically content with my life and focused on growth. It's lonely, but I'm trying to be a better person.

I'm not good at facial expressions. It's either smiling or solemn, blank stare. I'm working on it.

So, there's that. Today a friend came to me and confonted me publically on social media. I ended up having to block him, and I actually want to delete my account now not because of that but because social media taints life a certain way if you look at it everyday.

If anyone wants to talk feel free to talk to me. Let's figure this out together. We can't conquer the world alone. We must come together. It's my birthday today, but I want to tell the world to live their lives like it matters, like you care. peace.