Wow, your experiences already as a 19 year old...and i think back then you where all alone with your thoughts and feelings?

In the ICU we sometimes asked ourselves how it is possible to manage all these stressful, painful and sad situations. I remember when someone would say to me that he wouldn´t be able to do my job, i would answer that he could. But years later i concluded that this is not for everyone, still not knowing how some can do this work and others cannot. And what it is that i am able to.

I remember a nightshift in the ICU in a room with 4 patients. There was one above 80. One under 30. One had to make room for a person in a more critical situation. As soon as this critical person had moved into the room she crashed. While giving CPR another person starting getting very critical and we called in family. Still giving CPR a third person crashed. It got weirder every hour. The first died halfway, the next a couple of hours later. The third before 9 in the morning. The person above 80 survived. We talked, even sort of laughed about what we just had been through...and we went home...

And another time where i worked 5 day shifts. In the first 3 ´my´ patients died...´planned´, because really everything had been tried...During my 5th shift i took care of someone after heart surgery...finally someone i could talk with...so that made up al little for the days before...and then while chatting he crashed and died...i remember how i went to get his family afterwards...i saw that in another room someone had died as well...that was when i ´crashed´...And the next moment you just go on...

I think for me it is mostly about being there for the other...really being there...understanding what is happening to him/her on a subconscious level(?). You just do it...

Did you take your experiences with you the mentall health field? (of course to some degree...but did you work with people then who for instance were close to dying? Or a whole other direction?)