[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by linen53

7L, I know the illness and subsequent damage was all for my good. But it sure didn't feel that way back then. I thought I'd died and went to hell. Seriously. There is just no way I can describe the pain of West Nile, let alone the brain damage, that followed.

With everything I'd already been through in life I thought I would coast the rest of my days in sameness and happiness. Boy was I wrong. But with the development of a much more refined spiritual understanding I don't feel the victim, I feel the conqueror. I need that brain-wave refinement to get to where I am today.

Wow, you called a group meeting and discussed things. You are way beyond my abilities. I get random snapshots, period.

The professional woman was on an Earth-like planet but I don't know it was Earth. There were tall skyscrapers all around her. She was looking up/around and thinking of how happy and good she was at her job but not in a conceited way. She was grounded. She was sure of herself. I whooped for joy for her in my heart.

Just remembered she even got a scant image/feeling that I was watching her. And she knew it was me. She looked in the general direction I stood (in spirit). Forgot that part till right now. I don't relive that scene often enough, lol.

The guy that broke my heart was a young soul. When I reincountered him, he was still living the young souls scenario. Mocho, loud, uncouth, self centered. I still shutter to think I crossed his path.

Just remembered another encounter. Again, this was back in 92 or 93 but I was still developing my spiritual abilities. I called a plumbing company and a plumber visited my home once while I was at work and fixed some leaky pipes. When I got home there was evidence he had been there, but he had long gone. I saw an image of this man in my mind. He was the man that raped me on my father's farm in a previous life. Clearly it was him. I felt him, I smelled him, I sensed him. Thankfully we did not cross physical paths. I don't think I could have taken that.

r6, Star Wars has been used often to relate to spiritual matters, and yes I consider sex to be a spiritual matter. It's just another way to Source. Not my path but it is for others. Just like "The Force" is referred to "The Powers That Be." Love your humor.

Deb - you have experienced the core issues women deal with apparently across this universe and probably all others. Experiences of rape and violence, and other core threats to survival and bodily integrity.

Core issues of emotional vulnerability to the coarse and uncouth, due to the way we are wired to experience reality. We are extremely vulnerable to not only physical and sexual abuse and exploitation -- because we are less powerful and can always be coerced or forced. But we are also vulnerable to emotional abuse and manipulation, because the core nature of our being is to experience life with integrity, meaning not compartmentalised.

Because love means a great deal to us and sex means little to nothing without the love, we will always be vulnerable to heartbreak and to suffering exploitation and degradation, all of which are nearly always a given in power-over situations but are also guaranteed to occur without the presence of a mutual authentic love. In any relationship, certainly including family and friends and certainly including partnerships which include sex.

Last, you experienced at least two other lives where the women were valued and felt affirmed, each in their different environments. They did not feel cast off or valued only for their sexual availability &/or fertility. They felt accomplished on their journeys, because they were content in knowing they were valued simply for who they were as people and for the unique gifts and presence they brought.

I think these are pretty powerful insights and revelations!!!
And they are hugely universal and meaningful, for all they are your own individual lives.

As to my group meeting...it was very moving and taught me a lot about myself and who I am/was, confirming many things. Because this was for healing, we were meeting with the close soul fam member who killed several of us and felt abandoned by another. There was a real clearing of the air and a lot of revelation and listening and compassion all round. Most importantly, there was forgiveness exchanged all round, or very nearly so. It also revealed or underscored some rather sad and unfortunate things, but as long as I keep rolling and letting go, it's all good.

Here are the highlights, without getting into too much detail...
I would IM you but that goes against the terms of the group agreement in spirit when I put together this little meeting, because the me's weren't the only ones present.

That soul fam member wanted to spend time with the other opposite sex me there (the small silent broken woman who died under duress -- although that aspect of me fares much better now that hellish lifetime is done). He immediately went to nuzzle her without saying a word to anyone else and ignored the rest of us without a word.

He wanted to know why he was abandoned and after he'd received a very tender & heartfelt answer (I couldn't ever have been happy as a mistress living under degraded circumstances and outcast from society, and my dignity and honour was paramount; also for children we'd have & I was pregnant at the time of death). Between fending off rape and hunger living on the margins as an abandoned wife, I was out of my mind with worry then about how to provide for kids as an outcast. At least in my abandonment, the community compassionately provided for me per biblical requirement as if I were a widow. Apparently he thought we'd wing it like gypsies, LOL.... No can do...so I fled to try to get my religious divorce & that's when I died.

But until small me graciously reminded him he needed to talk to the rest, he still didn't go. He had to be prodded gently by small me to go greet the other me's (all dudes he'd killed or had killed...a best mate, a partner when he was a woman, and a twin brother). The twin me immediately embraced him as his beloved brother and asked after him, all pain of being tortured and murdered put aside in an instant. The partner me said "you're not what I was expecting" and all the men laughed. Partner me was still disappointed that my soul fam dude (when he was a she) had turned him in to govt when he was my beloved female partner, as the govt then murdered Partner me and all of the resistance en masse. Partner me felt indirectly responsible for the deaths of dozens...maybe hundreds. None of this was on planet earth BTW. But in the end...partner me forgave him said "don't take this the wrong way" and kissed the soul fam dude.

Then the best mate, who had barely EVER said a word, revealed with great eloquence his situation, his pain and confusion, and his deep, deep remorse...for having wronged soul fam dude by being a clueless cad and sleeping with his best mate's (I think) designated (or soon to be designated?) arranged-marriage bride. And best-mate me told soul fam dude and everyone that my greatest love of that lifetime was my agape love for my best mate (soul fam dude), who had put a huge blade in his back at the public house as a tit-for-tat.

Soul fam dude had quite a lot to say to best-mate me since he still felt angry and wronged & had more to say than to any of the rest aside from nuzzling the small broken me. The best-mate lifetime is the farthest one back...the earliest I remember. At the end, best-mate me asked soul fam bro if he would consider forgiving him. And soul fam bro said he would consider it. These two did not touch or embrace, since soul fam dude was standing as far away as he could from me...whilst best mate me remained seated, as there was still hostility from soul fam bro and best mate me was huge dude.

This unresolved hostility and lack of forgiveness...it explains a lot. And not just toward small woman me (his fave apparently but he was still outraged on some level at my choices and at being abandoned with my untimely death) -- but ALSO hugely toward old best-mate me from aeons back. Soul fam dude wouldn't even approach and barely could stand to listen to him...I could tell he forced himself to do it.

Though I was amazed at best-mate me's beautiful thoughts, his words of love for his best mate, and his ownership and his sorrow for what he'd done to soul fam dude in that moment of thoughtlessness. I felt really proud of this big gent, owning his mistakes and speaking of love for his soul fam bro. He (me) had loads to say, under the surface. And I felt the same about all of me's, really. I was moved by them, and I really resonated with them. I could certainly see why I feel SO strongly about gents needing to take responsibility to the utmost degree regarding any sexual activity. I learnt that lesson. I really learnt it. And if men only understood the repercussions...well, just don't do it. Need I say more? This is -- according to all accounts -- the soul closest to me in my own soul fam and we still cannot get our stuff together due to this ancient grievance. Take the time to know and authentically love whomever you partner with, commit to them with all your heart and soul. And no poaching and screwing around.

It's been made very, very clear to me just exactly WHY both sexual ownership of others AND a callous use and sexual exploitation of others go hand-in-hand so often with violence and murder. It's absolutely not right, any of it. But then again, that's because it's ALL wrong, all of it. We have to break the cycle...and in my case it has meant being murdered several more times as a man due to lingering resentment...and having to incarnate as a woman to get past that, LOL. Being a woman is just fine :), despite our grinding social, cultural, political, economic and physical challenges, LOL !!! But in my case, it seems I could not be in contact with him whilst a man as he would murder me. Probably since he's not yet forgiven me as Best Mate.

And also, TBH, it seems that since then, he may have only really ever loved me withOUT conflicting feelings of resentment and hatred when I was small, weak, broken and silent -- and completely oppressed by men and religion and harsh judgment. Spending no real time in that lifetime conversation to get to know me...but then again, who did, since I didn't normally say much anyway, & folks probably thought I was thick anyway (mentally slow for the Yanks). Offering me no solutions to being married and pregnant by another man was ok, even though he knew it left us absolutely no options I could accept, and that I was the vulnerable one, me & the kids. As he could always simply leave...whereas the village was the only home I'd known, the only place I knew I'd have been cared for. There's a lot there, and it all stems from this ancient grievance, where I was in the wrong.

I learnt much more deeply to understand his reasons and how I'd failed him and what led to all these different murders and deaths. And now, it's time for him to do the same. He needs to get up to speed and to quit thinking he's so far ahead of me in scoping all this out Because as time goes by, and I do inform myself, all that becomes much less relevant. It's really all just about 1) ownership, 2) grace, authentic love, equanimity and engagement (all shades of the same thing really), and 3) all round * (forgiveness + remorse/contrition) = reconciliation.

So...it's a form of therapy and of healing. But without grace and forgiveness and true reconciliation, you can only go so far with some of these lifetimes and what remains unresolved. Plus, you can't go home again, hahaha....so you live with ever greater awareness of your love and forgiveness AND contrition (if you've reached out in real life too, of course), whilst knowing that beyond a certain point you cannot go further in your joint resolution, because that involves two or however many. But still...it's good to do all you can, is how I see it. Leave the door open and then leave the rest to What Is. That's where I've finally come to, and it's begun to bring me some peace and an ever deeper equanimity. Like you, all this has meant I see a lot of things very differently from many folks.

PS...on topic, recapping all these revelations of Spirit that you and I (and so many) have received...I just want to underscore how strongly I believe (from my experiences) that in the larger scheme of things, it's 1), 2), and 3) I list from above that are BY FAR the most important things, IMO. Hugely more important to who we are than genetics, even while genetic limitations and burdens do need realised and compassionately addressed.

Peace & blessings
7L