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Ok, back to "feeling in my gutt." why did it feel good first and then it felt painful or I can't feel deep enough, the pain is blocking my awareness from feeler deeper into my gutt where I felt the pleasant feeling?
_C: This is not what we said. We said, what we said.
Ok, thanks for reminding me. Why do I need to care about you?
_C: To feel good.
How do I care about you?
_C: You care about us, because you want to feel good.
I understand, but how do I feel good?
_C: By caring about us, you will feel good.
I don't even know what you are, for all I know, you are just an illusion.
_C: You are an illusion, we are real.
Well, it may be an illusion that I feel pain, but the experience is realer to me than you are.
_C: You are correct, we do not imply that you are not real. You are indeed real. But we are realer.
I disagree. You are very vague in my experience, infact I have difficulty focusing upon you or even seeing you clearly. Forget about you, I can hardly read your text.
_C: You are real, and we are realer. We are YOUR GREATER BEING.
Why am I here in physical reality?
_C: Because you want to be here.
No I don't actually. I don't enjoy it here.
_C: Yes you do want to be here, otherwise WE woulden't be here.
Well, I again disagree with you. Where do you see in me any desire to be here?
_C: In your gutt. You can feel it.
I feel my heartbeat in my gutt. And as I continue to focus upon it, I feel discomfort, dis ease, an ill feeling. Tension. Mostly discomfort.
_C: Yes, you are here, in your gutt. Go deeper and you will find what you seek.
I find nothing. Feel nothing special at all.
_C: You are here in your gutt, go deeper.
How do I go deeper?
_C: You go deeper, by finding this good feeling.
How do I find what good feeling?
_C: By going deeper, you will, find, what you seek? Yes, you will.
How do I go deeper?
_C: You will, go, deeper, by finding us, in your gutt.
Nothing... It's just empty in there.
_C: You are not listening to us. READ WHAT WE HAVE WRITTEN.
I don't know what you mean.
_C: By going deeper, you will find what you seek, in your gutt.
Go deeper where? And how?
_C: By going deeper in your gutt, by going deeper in your gutt.
How do I "go deeper" in my gutt?
_C: Breath deeper and lower into your gutt.
Nothing... still nothing!
_C: By going, deeper into your gutt, you will find what you seek.
I already did that, and I am still doing that and I find nothing. Just random sensations. Some discomfort, some heartbeats. And mostly nothing.
_C: Ok, go deeper. And you will find what you seek.
I am not sure what you mean with "go deeper". Should I just focus my awareness more intently into my gutt?
_C: Yes, you do, and you will find what you seek.
Ok,
-break
ok it is nice and meditative, but I swear I don't feel anything! atleast not any "good feeling" and not like I felt the first time either, I didnt feel any of pleasant warmth feeling. What am I doing wrong?
_C: You, are, not, going, deep, enough.
How do I go deeper?
_C: You are suppose, to focus, your intention, to go deeper.
Ok thanks, can you please be more specific like this early on?
_C: Ok, now GO deeper.
-break
I have spend enough time now, still nothing. There is nothing there, no feeling. Just a void of feeling or any sensation.
_C: Ok, you have, now, found, what you, seek.
The void of a feeling or any sensation is not what I seek. I seek to find a good feeling, a good feeling positive emotion.
_C: Why didn't you say so sooner? Ok, now ****
If you are not smarter than me, then why am I talking to you?
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Ok sometimes I feel like I am succesfully receiving something, also of value, sometimes it feels fake. like some ego or human thought form construct. Not very helpful and not encouraging either. as it is totally out of my control. To any of my knowledge.
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