|
just watching my mind
rush
to justify
whatever I just thought
to make me feel good
like I know what I'm doing
while idly thinking
isn't there some kind of meaning
beyond this endless careening
from one corner to the next?
--------------------------------------------------------
not sure
how much I can say
because everything I could say
just feels
so arbitrary
right now
--------------------------------------------------------
wandered around
in negativity land
a while
this weekend
at least when I'm there
I don't feel confused
and things make sense
and I don't have to listen
to people tell me 'no'
all day long.
Because in their infinite wisdom
people turned down every invitation i gave
to come see the view.
Now I'm just as happy though
to be left alone
and to my own devices
--------------------------------------------------------
thought about something you said
that it is upsetting
whenever I shut you out
well I'm sorry
but do you not know
how many
zillions of times
you did that to me
and I wasn't even able
to sit here and say
I even hurt?
much less could cry tears
for the loss of something
I've never been allowed to have?
had to just grin and bear it
one more time
time after time
and you never once cared what I felt?
And I had to praise you for that?
I'm sorry,
but honestly
you've been mean to a me
more often than not.
How do you honestly think
I would be able
to not reflect that back
to a you
sometimes?
|