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I honestly just do not know how to surrender to the fear. It arises and immediately my mind reacts and panics and so many thoughts come I can’t control the reaction.
I don’t want my problems to be over. I want the mental stamina and equanimity to face them.
I guess right now facing my problems i just feel like I’m drowning in them, swimming in a bunch of thoughts, not processing anything. I have such little equanimity there is such imbalance.
If only my heart would open again then I could go into the fear, the pain, with bravery. I have been resisting it for five months now. My mind is so imbalanced I’m just conditioned to react and cannot work with the fear at all.
If I had the equanimity I had before, then I could
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