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I am sorry for your loss.
I have seen once or twice that you worry in case your mum hates you. If your mum hated you , you would have known about it a long time ago.
It's making me think though where this thought might be coming from. You are naturally still grieving , and because of you grief you may be looking back to when she was ill and seeing things in the wrong way.
I know your mum was poorly for quite a while before she passed. I am going through my own end of life process at the moment which is why I can maybe let you see where this fear may stem from.
We go through so many emotions during the process.
Shock, disbelief , denial, fear , anger . And sometimes they can be extreme, but they have to be worked through so that we can go on to accept and have acceptance and eventually peace.
I know even now , when I have snappy days I can say things that I know hurt my nearest and dearest. But they understand and know I don't hate them.
So it's making me wonder if your mum had bits of anger or snappy days and that in your mind she didn't like you.
Even when families are fit and healthy they don't always get on.Everyone argues now and again.
Do you have other family members that you can talk to ?
If you hear your mum calling your name it is not to tell you she hates you, but most likely to let you know she loves you very much.
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