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Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun
I'm single too. I've always been single, never had a relationship, never even been asked out, never been on a date.
I'm simply in the wrong time - nowadays people have casual relationships and change partners all the time. That's not for me. Many women also get married for money. I think that's disgusting! I have suffered terrible poverty in my life but I would never even have entertained the thought of marrying some guy for money!
Until recently I always found it sad that there was nobody for me
Now however I realize that - first of all, who knows what I have been saved from (most likely I've been saved from some beer swilling idiot that runs around being unfaithful and looks 80 by the time he is 40, and most of them are abusive) - and secondly, I would only ever want to be with someone where there is true love, genuine and unconditional love.
Nothing else will do.
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Maybe we are kindred spirits. I am exactly like this, with some exceptions. I have tried to have a relationship, to get married and live as a mother and wife. As you rightly noted, I did suffer unspeakably as a result. I never actually ever had a real relationship, never had all-the-way sex and never got to live how I had dreamed. If I had foreseen the life of suffering, alienation and loneliness that I ended up living, I would have killed myself at age 28.
Due to paralyzing social anxiety and a fear of people most of my adult life and my man-repelling "no-sex-before-marriage" principle, I never dated either. I did get asked and did go on 2 of the most awkward dates ever in my 20's. Other than that, my social paralysis and, even now, I think a touch of Asperger's which has made me socially inept or "different" in how I connect with people means that I don't socialize like normal people and need an approach so slow that nobody in this day and age has the time or patience to get to know me or let me get to know them.
I especially relate to the serial monogamy you allude to. I'm not wired like that--to give myself heart, mind and soul to one person, only to have him dump me and repeat this process over and over and over again. This has now happened for the last time this summer. The 4th relationship I've tried. We lived in absolute relationship bliss--love, joy, laughing--for 3 months straight. Not even a fight. He was happy. I was happy. I have never been so close to another human being in my life as I was to him. Suddenly, Friday the 13th no less, he gets into an "altered state of mind" and has a melt-down. Tells me horrible things he's done in his past and that I'm too good for him. "You're so full of love and joy and light and I'm such a dark, horrible person." From then on, he increasingly turned into a monster and became cruel to me. I am still having trouble processing it. I just can't understand it...
In the end I realized that he, like the vast majority of men today, are what I call one-woman-at-a-time men. He fancies himself a monogamist, but he's not really. The serial monogamist mentality, from my perspective, has even ceased to be monogamy, because society has turned it into a lifestyle. There is almost no such thing anymore as a one-woman-man. And many aren't even one-woman-at-a-time men either. Surely this applies to women today as well, I suppose.
I did learn more from this experience than I've learned in my whole life put together. I was looking and waiting for my twin flame. I began to believe he would never show up, so I tried to find a husband on my own. This is the result. I now know I am literally not allowed to be with any other man. Or, I am "allowed," but the price is this unspeakable suffering when he dumps me, which I swear will kill me if I go through it one more time.
Hence, I, too, am single. I'm not happy about it--never have been--but neither my heart or mind can survive another man. And I have no friends, not least due to my problems with socializing.