It's good you point that out and I've too heard of this right or wrong, black or white scenarios when the one who dumps get to be the villain except when I think there is the knowing that that person has left someone cheating, or physical abuse, then it is as if it is allowed. Mental abuse is still tricky and then it is as if everything is allowed as it many times is so hard to prove.

You can't do something else if the other person refuses to work on the issues, that is for sure, then it is a dead end street if you feel you have done all you can do and more. They have left you that way instead.They are just physically there and sometimes not even that. Some sinner wakes up too late but at least they wake up but some never wakes up.

Nobody really knows what is going on between two people, not even the two people at times. People "close" to the couple or former couple should not express themselves so much when they don't know but I know people are quick on their toes to chose side when a couple breaks up.

(deleted the rest)

Sorry just had to add this, as I thought about how you mentioned how other people reacted to you divorcing, being the initiative of it, that it is a shock as well as dealing with the people, the social life, apart from everything already being difficult.

This is in no way to compare as I was not married or had a surviving child/children with my first love, but I remember close in time after the break up that he would tell me in harsh words what his family, especially one of his parents, thought of my behavior. At the time he himself looked as if he had a serious hang over, so I don't know if he was one to talk.

I remember that our families and friends were all like what ever. That we were young. That this was no big deal. That there was no one fighting for us. Not saying it was their responsibility to do so. Perhaps people do not think you can love even if you are young. I had heartbreak but it was as if there was something strange/off with me for having that, because we were young, because we both had our whole lives ahead of us. I have later now looked back at that and thought that they were in one way maybe trying to help us (separately) but in another it was with the message that we - our relationship - had not been important in their eyes, and that this was normal in young adult's lives. It was as if too I was suppose to feel ashamed for having serious feelings of the break up and being serious. They did not take his drinking problem serious either. I think it was a time in my life when I was patted on the head as if I was no real grown up when I was. Our relationship had lasted years. We were almost always together and if not on the phone. We were like one family, he and I. I could tell lots of our friends had these short lasting relationships and go and get drunk on Friday and Saturday and we were caught in all that but it was almost as if we were the parents there, we could just share a look across the room, our eyes met, and we were so secured with one another.

I have thought that if a child of mine ever gets to have a young heartbreak that I will not minimize it. Again in one way I think they intended to help by saying such things, but in another it was as if they had not taken us seriously. I think a great love can happen to you regardless of age as long as you are an adult.

He was to save everything, photo albums, you name it, perhaps as a way to say, yes, we were once and we count/ed.


In the other relationship it was this ex that treated me badly in a way that was humiliating and scary, but his family and friends would treat me well and I think they were sort of shocked as well. I would miss them later on, but not him.