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Hi Love,
I feel your pain, really I do. Reading your post was like hearing myself from the past. The most important thing to keep in mind is that we cannot effectively heal others when we ourselves still need healing. I can relate to the overwhelming need to heal others. The world needs people like you, but be patient, what the world needs from you first is for you to heal yourself. Put your need to heal others to the side for the time being and focus solely on your own well-being.
I have been in your shoes, I would try to help others with their problems while I myself had a whole pool of issues I wasn't addressing. My attempts to help were dismissed and caused me to feel even worse since I would feel useless.
Jesus said it best:
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:3
I don't mean this in a condescending way what so ever but from the sound of your post you sound hurt. Like you have a wound from a past battle that hasn't healed and is causing you pain, metaphorically speaking. I know you are eager to get back out there and fight but you need to tend to that wound before you can. We need you to be strong, and right now you need to use your strength inwardly.
You said you suffer from depression, that is probably a good place to start. I myself suffer from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I ignored it for well longer than I care to admit. I went yeeeaaars before I sought help. I had 2 really bad psychotic episodes that landed me in the hospital. One in 2013 and another in 2016. The 2013 one got me an overnight stay at a hospital with a brief meeting with a counselor and the 2016 got me a nice long stay in the loony bin for nearly a month. They put me on medication but I went off of it as soon as I left.
It wasn't until the end of 2017 I was no longer able to hold a job that I finally sought help. I spent about 5 months after that working out the medications that I found helpful. I still struggle with this everyday even now after being steadily taking a nice cocktail of medicines everyday for the past year and a half. It wasn't until I humbled myself and said "Hey, I need help, please someone help me." Ask and you will receive. You have got to want help though.
I know you have in your mind the ways you see yourself helping others, which is awesome, but for right now you can still be a healer in others ways. No matter how small. You would be surprised how far a smile and a simple "Have a nice day" can go.
Hope you find what you are looking for. Feel free to message me anytime.
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