View Single Post
Old 11-06-2018, 03:35 PM
11Tractors 11Tractors is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 9
The article from you link described quite accurately what I am currently going through. I will quote a part of it below.

"The Solar Plexus chakra is associated with the following psychological and behavioral functions:
* Expression of will
* Intellectual abilities
* The “accounting mind” that categorizes everything, assesses the pluses and minuses in life
* Personal power
* Ability to establish ideas and plans into reality
* At higher levels, it conveys wisdom"

It is kind of strange how accurate this is and it felt strange to look ar the colours in the pictures in this consept. This has definitely given me sonething to think about.

Also you talked about feminine energy and yes, I have been struggling with this all my life. I have always been really androgynous. I don't try to be that but I have these extremes in me. I am a man and I am afraid to admit that I do get a lot of strength from femininity. I go through the world being very masculine but at home I create things that are thought to be more feminine. I do art, I sew, knit, make lace and things that my imagination brings are often associated with the feminine. I am also bisexual although I let people think I am straight. I can feel the both masculine and feminine in me. And I can't quite understand it. I think that at the end men and women are the same and it doesn't matter but I do repress the feminine a lot.

At some point some creature in my shamanic journeys said that I am a woman and a man. I still don't get it. Spritually maybe but in my everyday life I a man and that's it. I don't even want anything else. During my shamanic journeying I just feel like a human. Separate from my body and the limitations of it. My body is just an avatar of myself in there, a tool with no gender.

And I will say... I feel ashamed of it but I was wearing a yellow dress in my latest dream. I was in my androgynous form I find myself in when I journey although the yellow dress felt humiliating. It was like it was put on me to make me feel weak. A great lesson I think. My own perception of the situation made me weak rather than the dress.

Also, it is a good obsbervation that although being very scared you can trust. I trusted the Swamp lady. I didn't just obey because then it wouldn't have been so scary. I think she is a part of me. I do trust her still. Maybe I was supposed to give her the dress but the monsters were coming. She was wearing just some rags.

I feel the Moon can see all of me. That why I haven't been able to look at it in the eye. It has seen everything. Seeing it last night was like seeing your observer after feeling like being watched all your life.

I have also met some monsters before. Usually they have been my own creations. They are manifestacions of my own feelings and issues. For example I drink too much and that's maybe one way I use to bury those monsters because I don't want them to exist. I wish I knew how to make peace with them.
Reply With Quote