Thank you for telling me.

Yes, I remember, your sister was diagnosed to have schizophrenia.

I did not assume you had or have a mental illness, that it came across that way it was not my intention, so I'm sorry about that, my apology.

Lots of people, including myself, has gone through therapy not because we have a serious mental illness, but because we still need some sort of help in dealing with a matter.

When you described that you wish you were dead instead of having these affirmations - that is a strong sign to me that you are not feeling well and it could then hopefully be of some use to you if you talk to someone, it was only a suggestion.

It does come across to me as if you blame yourself for everything that goes wrong with your family because you have thought something. I do not believe you have created their accident nor your father's heart issue with your thoughts.

When I was a child I would too have premonition. I don't know if you had those as a child. I know how I worked back then, and it was that, and this is classical with kids, they blame themselves for what goes wrong. I knew something was going to happen, exactly, and then it did. Even if I had asked it not too. And nobody else knew. I blamed myself. So that was the experience of it that I can relate to - with your words. This why too I am trying to tell you to be more kind to yourself, to not think you have caused this.

That your level of stress is at this stage in your life with everything that has happened "up there" does not mean that you have a mental illness, it just means you are human and as such it might help you to take your well being seriously. If you feel so bad about you believing your thoughts create through affirmations these incidents and you don't know how to stop and you rather be dead - then yes, I think it might help you to talk to someone, like a psychiatrist for example. I have gone through family therapy, counseling for instance, psychiatrist, - I was not mentally ill, nor was my luv, but we needed help, we were in a stressful situation that we had been in for a very long time and having tried to sort it out for ourselves, but we couldn't. I had a stress reaction, for instance, so did my luv, these states of mind will pass, us getting help was the right thing to do, not just for us but for our family and our future. People can do this staying together or splitting up but it still offers a foundation regardless that is good. You do not have to have a mental illness to talk to a psychiatrist even if that sounds a bit off, I'm sure, hi hi.

I wish you and your family all the best :)