[russianpast_1904]

Originally Posted by Elfin

Dear me child .. you can certainly talk !!!.... ( You sure you're not a woman ? Lol..)...oh my goodness ... Bacon you say??? Hmmmm we need to think!!! But oh my GOODNESS...what an Amazing teacher you had. Don't matter if she never actually taught you anything in class lol..but what an amazing person was she??? Ahhh can relate a bit as my eldest child is a head teacher of infants and he is passionate about his role and the encouragement of his charges. I can't remember what else I was going to say lol...( Old age you know!)... Amazing though.. your accounts. And you are obviously passionate about that particular chapter of your life ... Because life does go on...and on...and on...and on....and realistically.. one never knows where one will "end" up next!... We got the whole future to contend with yet!!!

P.s... I never ever gave van Gogh a single seconds thought until you "popped " up lol...his life was quite tragic. I mean come on... It's not everyday folk chop their own ears off lol.. ( sorry Vince!).... And in a way I would hate to think you were him. But then again I suppose we cannot pick and choose!!!!

Haha yes, forgive me on that front. Earlier, after I posted that reply to you, I looked up a regression video to see if I could jog anything. I kept falling asleep (which happens hahaha) but I didn't remember anything. I don't think I was Van Gogh, though I do love his work. I do have a past life that I was able to reconcile a few years ago (which involved my girl-friend, she's been in most of my past lives, whether directly connected or distantly) where I was an artist. He lived in Italy, and had some very strong connections/clients. 15th Century. He was very egotistical and liked to drink. I don't want to say his name because well... Most frown on people who claim more than one famous past life. But my girl-friend was the mistress he had, the wife of one of his protégé's. He had a lot of enemies in the artist community. Many didn't like him. His work is renowned. He was never fully appreciated during his life-time, but after his death (like so many artists before and after him) he became renowned. His work is some of the most expressive and emotional. It is incredible that someone could do that with marble. I've never tried to sculpt (with clay yes), but I do like to paint every now and again, and he painted quite a lot, along with sculpting. I painted a sample for my aunt once, she let my sister and I play with oil paints. It was freaky because I noticed it looked like some of the backgrounds of his portraits. And my sketching style looks similar to his rough sketches of sculpture, etc. But enough about that haha. I was able to also reconcile a long-standing karmic pattern that involved most of my past lives from the very beginning. I even was able to reconcile with the individual I shared this karma with. We are acquaintances now, which is fine. I think that he still has some life times to learn from. Maybe I do too, but the karma between us has been resolved thank goodness.

Fairly recently, I was able to (and I'm not sure if everyone can just do this) have a long chat with Alexei. If I can explain this easier, basically I was talking to one of my sisters (Alexei's) - I've got them all, and I'm incredibly grateful for being able to have them again this time around. Not everyone has such a lucky go of things.

Olga told me that I should talk my "inner Alexei" (if that makes sense), basically my inner soul/past life self and tell him that it wasn't his fault. That he couldn't have stopped the death even if he tried. That he is safe now, that everyone is safe now, and that he doesn't have to protect everyone. That's a lot of stuff to tell your inner self. I'd never done this before and it was very eye-opening to say the least! So I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and I didn't know what I was doing. I saw him, Alexei cowering in a corner of the room where everyone died in. He was covered in blood, he was crying and shaking. It was very dark except for a dim light (this sounds so weird but this is what I saw). So Olga told me to call out to him. She herself felt my inner soul's pain. She was crying and so was I. It was such a weird experience! So I called out to him, reaching my hand out. My inner soul responded and started to talk to me and I told him that it wasn't his fault. He wasn't to blame. That he couldn't have stopped that night from happening even if he tried. That he was okay and safe, that he didn't have to feel afraid anymore. Olga is very sensitive and she said to me that I've been stuck in that basement room for a long time. That my inner soul has not been able to get out of it. He was talking to me in Russian, and I could understand him (I know very little of the language, only the basics but I could understand him perfectly and he could understand me as I replied back). I reached out my hand and encouraged him to come towards me and he got up. I'd never felt a hug from my inner self/soul before. I felt him hug me. It was... I sobbed. I silently cried, hard. I could feel his embrace. It was so... I don't know how to describe it really. It's something I've never felt before ever.

After we hugged, (we hugged a few more times because apparently we both needed those embraces) I opened the door out of the basement room. White light flooded the little room, and I could see rolling green hills and meadows. I recognised this scenery instantly because I'd dreamed of it years ago. In the dream, I was with my family (Alexei's) and we were all walking through this place. It was raining (warm rain but it felt healing) and everyone was dressed in white, sparkling clothing. It felt other-worldly. So it was a surprise to see the place again through the doorway. I took his hand in mine and we walked out and eventually came to rest on a hill. We sat there talking for a good time (however long it was) and we hugged a few more times. He had so much to say to me. I think that inner talk to myself had been a long time coming honestly.

I don't know if it actually 100% healed me from that life-time, but it did help definitely. I now know I can talk to my inner self. You see, when I came into awareness and eventually (after months of fighting it) accepting it as a possibility that I was Alexei, I wanted to find everyone. I wanted to find my sisters and parents. I didn't know if they were safe or in trouble. I felt the need to protect them and keep them safe from harm. The World is a big place. To find six other people you knew in a particular life-time would probably seem next to impossible.

I was naïve and stupid when I told a public forum (about the Romanovs and the Alexander Palace, other royal families, etc) I believed I was the reincarnation of Alexei Romanov. I got teased, joked at, made fun of and the moderators didn't even help. They didn't care. I felt lost and hopeless and after posting my belief so publicly, felt such low self-esteem and broken confidence in myself because of what I had posted. No one cared. No one knew me and I didn't want to be known but I thought that somehow if I posted that, my family would know it was me. Well, stranger things have happened. Tatiana saw my post and sent a private message to me and we started talking, validating memories and things we knew. I had reunited with one of sisters and thought that if it was possible to reunite with her, then it was possible to find everyone else or reunite with them. That was in 2007, and I was 17 then. I was still in high school. I started college/university in 2008 and had kinda forgotten about that life, and Tatiana and I didn't talk as much. I suppose there was a reason for it. I focused on school at that point. Well, my favourite aunt was diagnosed with cancer. She died very suddenly the next year and it sent me and my family into a deep depression. I was so scarred by her death. I was one of the people who found her in her bed. It was scarring and emotionally disturbed me for years. I mentioned that girl-friend of my friend's roommate who is clairvoyant and how she was able to channel my aunt. Well... I always had this feeling my uncle had done something that caused her death and I didn't 100% know but I felt it in my soul he did something. Well when she channeled her, my question got an answer. What I felt was confirmed. He killed her. It always seemed strange when he started dating so soon after her death, and re-married months after. No one expected that. I was never very close to him growing up either. He's estranged now. I was able to have closure and I forgave him for what he did. Forgiveness is hard . Seriously.

But so, when she died my life spiraled out of order. I lost myself in a deep depression. I thought of taking my own life to be with her. I missed her that much. She was my second mother. Thankfully I had a good group of college friends who got me out of that dark place. And, on top of it I reunited with Anastasia that same year. We have unfortunately grown a part (sometimes this happens with people you knew in a past-life), but we used to be very close. But she saved me as well from doing the unthinkable. I'm glad I didn't do it. After that, my other sisters found their way to us. Of course... there were hurtles along the way. I think it has to do with the fact so many people claimed to be surviving Romanov children after the deaths of the Imperial Family (Anna Anderson, Michelle Anches, Marga Boodts, Heino Tammet, etc, etc) because of all the rumours that one or two or all of the children survived. People still believe in these conspiracy theories to this day despite the conclusive evidence that they all died in Ekaterinburg. There were other girls who came forward or who I met whom I thought could be one of my sisters. It was painful because there would be falling outs and fights. We were all so young, and naïve. I was the most naïve. I wanted the whole family back together. It's understandable when you die at the age of 13, on the cusp of 14. It was horrific and nightmarish. It was a living a ----.

But after a while, Marie and Olga reunited with us. We all felt whole once more. There were validations, and lots of laughs, lots of cries, you name it. I've even reunited in person with three of the girls (not yet with Olga, God-willing, it will happen soon) and let me tell you... being able to hug three people I knew and loved so much in one life-time and to be able to do it in the present is such a... it's healing beyond words. Sure we've had our squabbles (what siblings do not), but hugging them was like: Thank God! Thank God they are alive. Thank God they are okay and not hurt! Thank God! It's like that. It's probably a lot more than I'm describing here but it's wonderful. I'm actually seeing Maria later this week! I'm very excited and it's coinciding with the anniversary of the murders. None of us have physically been together during that time of year. We all get very emotional, and talk about it when it comes around. It's always a depressing time. For some reason it still effects us - Marie and I the most, which we don't quite understand why.

Alexei and Maria's remains I mentioned earlier were found back in 2007-2008. I could be wrong on the year, but they were found around that time. Russia and the United States disputed over who was with Alexei. Either it was Maria or Anastasia. Russia believes it was Maria, the U.S. believes it is Anastasia. Where the others are buried, the one set of female remains is said to be between 15-17 years old. (Anastasia just turned 17 before she died), and the very little remains found (of a young boy, between 12-14) show a young woman between 17-19 years old. (Maria had just turned 19 before she died). Maria and I have talked about this quite a lot, and we believe it was Maria who was burned with Alexei. The other thing is that recently, a year ago I think the remains (which were never buried with the rest of the family) vanished. They were in the Russian State Archive holding (GA RF) and just vanished. Poof. No one knows where they went. Maria and I think that because of this, we can't let go. Maybe it's convoluted and silly to think that way but it seems like that honestly.

Where Mama and Papa are concerned, it's a whole other story. Either they will find us, or they aren't here physically. They are here, but not incarnate. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful for being able to reunite with my sisters. But I miss my parents. They miss them too. I don't know where they are and I cannot reconcile myself to believe they are with God. It's too hard for me to comprehend and make sense of. Why would they be there? Why would they choose that? Why wouldn't they choose to be with us? Maria tells me that she would hope that both of them would be with God, as they endured and went through so much. They did, I know they did but I cannot believe they would not be with us like we have all reincarnated.

I probably sound like a child right now writing this. My feelings from that life-time are still very raw. It's all very raw. Especially at this time of year. Just before the anniversary. I hope that seeing Maria, maybe we'll be able to heal one another by seeing each other. We won't focus on that night or what happened. We will be doing fun things and just hanging out, enjoying one another's company. Celebration of life is what should be done, not anguish over death.

I'm still learning and healing from this life-time, if it was in fact mine. I feel it was, and I know other people feel the same way. It's interesting because all the people who claim to be Alexei or one of the girls, or even the Tsar and Empress themselves... they make public social media accounts and openly claim it. I would never do that. I mean when I was younger and still immature, I made a website and posted my past-life claim. I've since taken it down. I don't want people to know who I was. I'm here for closure hopefully and also to make friends. Not to proclaim it from the roof tops that I possibly was Alexei Romanov. We never had real privacy back then, and now that I have privacy... I enjoy it immensely. People say "oh it would be so wonderful to be a king, queen or a prince, or a princess. It would be soo cool!" Let me tell you, it wasn't. It was a 24/7 job. It was not an endless array of parties and grand suppers. It wasn't dancing until dawn. It was a real job. Though I'm a bit of a hypocrite because, I have a social media account. But it is very private. It's locked and no one but Maria knows about it. I just post pictures of flowers, icons that I own, and landscape scenery. I post desserts and sometimes I'll share a Romanov photograph now and again. It's for my healing I suppose?

That's the one thing which I cannot understand. Why would people who claim to be someone who was well-known publicly claim it and make social media accounts and publicly say who they believe they were? I've learned that that is just asking for trouble. It's asking for a sign to be posted to your back like "kick me!" I've learned the hard way of what happens when you naïvely make such a claim so publicly. It's not a fun time.

I would think that most people who do remember a famous life-time, would want to keep it quiet. Keep it to themselves. Only tell those they trust. That's how I view it at least.

Anyways, I have work (as I mentioned earlier, at 11 this morning) soon, so I need to get ready! Sorry for writing so much! I seem to have a lot to say haha.

Love to you all!