A man died and went to heaven. There was a long queue at the gate as this was a particularly deathly time on earth. Wait here and God will see you for your judgement when you get to the front of the queue, the man was told.

He queued at the pearly gates for two lifetimes before God granted him an audience, during that wait he became annoyed that he was having to wait so long.

Eventually the man was ushered into a little office beside the gates by a frail old lady, the lady smiled warmly at him but the man didn't notice this as he was too excited about his impending meeting with God, he looked to the back of the room where there was door with GOD written in big letters on it.

The lady asked him "who are you"
"I am brian sidebottom"said the man.

"And what would you like to ask God for"
"Foregiveness for all my sins" Brian ventured.

With that the old lady smiled at him and said "you are already forgiven now I will send you back to be born again (all memories of his Brianness erased) as elsie monkhouse from Barnsley."

Brian was stunned "why can't I get into heaven he protested. Where's God?"

The lady turned to him and smiled again.

"I am God as is everything. I asked what you wanted to ask God for and you said forgiveness, that I have granted you. If you had asked for heaven that is what you would have been given. Next time ask for what you want rather than what you think you should ask for"