Hi thank you so again and sorry to take up so much space on your thread Izz.

I'm really happy your soulmate knows just how to interpret what your narc is up to and put an end to it, you really need someone like that to help keep you sane in an insane situation. Like me I think you have been in this insane situation for too long why too you know all the tactics by now, all the manipulation strategies that these individual with their mental disorder have, even if masked to the rest of the world. And you know how it is? When you are full of something, when you have had too much of something, you just can not take another bite of it, makes you want to throw up.

Too already your partner has been warned so he won't get into, get close to the narc to allow himself to be filtered, manipulated, and that is very good.

I agree with so much what JustBe writes too.

as for me I think I have to realize that I am more of a "feeler", to me what I see with my eyes don't matter that much, so what clothes people were or not I could not care less about and I know everyone has integrity and i am not exactly known to go around and insult people.

I think too because of the past dominance I have been through I right away react, rebel against it. I dont want another grown person telling me what I should wear or not or tell me to loose or gain weight or not, they are interfering with my integrity, my personal space, i never do this to someone else. so it ****es me off. I always go by the saying if to say something say something nice, to help lift someone up.

but i made that clear to him early on when i began to notice he had all sorts of opinions on how i should look and what the length of my hair should be at. i would tell my luv to occupy himself with what was on his body instead of mine, that i could take care of my own stuff. so i never relied on him for complimenting or commenting what i wore or not or how i looked. i told him i look the way i want to look. don't go there.

but you know he has been this perfectionist (he still is but he is improving really good now on being less so, to understand what is really behind it, so these days it is cool, to live with him, not how it used to be). as this perfectionist everything around him, and especially the partner has to look perfect. there is a little bit of narc-sickness in that. i see us as 2 individuals who has chosen to be involved with one another. does not give him the right to tell me how to look right, just to please him. i don't like it. i never tell him stuff like that. it becomes a power struggle.

it has also scared me because i know by now that he sees things more with his eyes and i feel things more. that he sees faults on me, faults on my body that i myself don't think is a problem. i mean that meant he was the last person on earth i would then want to show myself semi naked or more to. and here i go around thinking i'm fine the way i am and other people are fine, and he goes around seeing faults, in small details.

it was interesting too because after the incident when he told me to loose weight, his before beautiful face to me began to change. i began to think he has too short of this on the face and what else i saw as faults suddenly. he began to even look strange to me. i began to see certain structure/model of how one part of his body looked (not something you can help, you are born this way) as if that was not something he could work on (unless plastic surgery but i don't think even that extreme would change it).

and i have realized when i look at someone i look at them with love. and i don't see faults, the way he saw in my appearance.

and i have asked him after that that why did you see me like that back then? your mind must have been so negative towards me. why did you ask me to try again if this is how you viewed my body? i can be with someone who don't view my body like that, i don't think honestly i will have a problem. i did not have a problem before you and i dont think i will have a problem after you. what do you get out of putting me down for? do you feel superior then? why is your measurement the right one, the perfect one? you have not even asked me what kind of weight is my comfy-weight. you take for granted that i should weight something to please you and that is just sick. you're sick.

not the first time i said to him i thought he was sick. one time when he again just focused on a detail instead of everything else i had done, i told him i thought he was sick. sick and negative. i would tell him it isn't what is out here, it is what is in his mind that is wrong and he should stop trying to punish us and take away our joy about something that is wrong in his head, not with us, not with our home.

i do know now, as when he made the idiotic weight comment, that because of his strong reaction afterwards, by just looking at my response for 2 seconds that he could tell he had hurt me, that he has empathy, and i forgot how many times he apologized.

i said it was no use of us continuing as it was now impossible for me to even phantom myself semi nude with his over criticizing eyes on me (and im someone passionate). i lost all will and passion to find myself in any sort of intimate relationship with him. so lets just call it quits. that he did this. before that comment we never had problems in that department.

one time i remember someone we knew would tell us that she was so pre occupied with what her body looked like during intimacy that it was impossible for her to relax and enjoy herself. and how crazy that was. and he would try to tell her to not think like that. so always so sweet to other females, right? saying all the right stuff. But to me? punching bag. sound narc-familiar? i told him that was the kind of guy i had fallen in love with, someone with such sensitive qualities to him. not this guy. that he had no respect for me. that he wanted me to feel bad about myself for no reason.

then came his old anxiety? about my health again, i think this weight obsession comes from his first family, this is what he has been taught is right and these are the comments he has grown up to listening to his parents. but he did not say he was worried about my weight, instead he insulted how i looked. that is how they do it. not everyone thank God.

the alternative was for me to be inferior and say you really think so? and go on another hysterical diet to weight just what he would want me to weight and until then be insecure and not want to show my body, be ashamed of my body to hm in the meanwhile meaning no intimacy and if pressured to intimacy - what a nightmare. not how i would have wanted it. so i told him it is better he and i call us done, as i felt done now with him.

what was strange about all that is that he physically is the type to show me every day signs of tenderness, not just in the bed department, but that he wants to reach out, in small and big ways, as if he does like my body and wants to stay close to me, even in his sleep it is as if he wants to be close to me. so i did not understand why he would turn on me like that with that stupid comment.

i think his sensitivity is beautiful, that was why i think i fell in love with him but i got all his insecurities, that sensitivity is backfiring, and one is i think that he would have felt more secured, as if i would have to give up a piece of me, be dressed in something just because he likes it that then he would feel she loves me, but he is suppose to love me for me, my individuality, and i cant go around trying to change or be something else that i am not to please him. either he loves me for me and i am perfect how i am or he don't. i don't like that game. but he knows that now.

i think there is so much insecurity and fear of illnesses from his first family that it had worked its way into his head somehow. he has said to me he don't want me to get sick, he don't want to loose me. as soon as i can have the smallest issue he tells me i need to look that up, so there has been this fear. and by insulting my looks i bet he thought for a second that i would change to please him, instead of realizing he was the one with the problem.