Hi Izz, thank you so much. I cant get the words out of my head that your relative wanted you to eat that stuff. I swear I woke up in the middle of the night and thought "What the...!".

I am sadly aware that some women, older, think they need to "correct" the younger generations of women. For me it was my mom who would teach me old ways of how to hold my glas and stuff at parties and give me a stern look across the room if I didn't. But this was behavior. How I was to learn how to be accepted in any room. To understand all sorts of social codes.

I never grew up in a household where we put each other's bodies down. My parents were not at all like that nor any other male or female relative like aunts and uncles, grandparents. I have not at all been accustomed to this. It is so foreign to me that men think they are entitled to comment on women's bodies like that and I am still someone who has been here and there in the world. I know it was in one country I felt suddenly very exposed and objectified even with the dulliest dress on, and no make up and just walking barefoot, and it was an unpleasant experience, to not even be looked at as a human being, I swear it it felt as if I was suddenly in some dark wood with predators in the shadows ready to jump.

When I met my luv somewhere down the line I remember he would start to say stuff like he could not believe I did not weight more considering my appetite (hum!) and that I must have hit the gene lottery. Just because I did not hit the gym did not mean I did not care about what i ate or that I moved my butt around enough each day. Not everything has to happen in a gym or out running. And if I don't feel like or don't want to do any of that I still earn the same respect from others about my own body. Nobody has the right to speak that way to anyone, I don't care what that person think.

It is just that he takes things to, in my taste at least, to the extreme when he is caught up in something. It is in his perfectionism. It is when he goes on diets and intense work out programs. He goes too far. And he went too far with me.

I think too because I have been part of his family for so long and been exposed to this for so long...that I was run down when I finally told him I wanted a split (the first time), when he then thought now we do therapy. It was very difficult. I was just at the bottom and he had more energy to put into discussions and I was frankly just sick of hearing his voice and hating the fact that this is what I had asked of him so long ago, before I was this run down, before all of this got me unbalanced.

I have asked myself if he could be a narc himself, but then I know in all the little and big ways he shows his empathy without thinking about it or wanting something for it, his true kindness, and he is just complex, you know.

What is also a paradox about him is that he don't like attention but at the same time he can say stuff like but he is not happy right now in how his body looks, and who am I to argue but I have said to him that maybe it is not your body, it is the part of the body that you don't even consider - your brain. Your brain is somehow making you think you are not happy in your body when in my opinion you should be and you shouldn't be so miscontempt.

And sometimes, honestly I have thought - can he make up his mind? I mean his ex, "Miss Universe" was/is very beautiful, and he would go "and she knows it". Why would she not know it? Is it not OK that she knows that? But I guess it was something in the attitude, but then me, who he don't think has an attitude, what did I get? Insults.

I have thought to myself when we split up that I wonder what kind of woman he will be drawn to and in time introduce as a stepmom. I wonder what piece in him will be dominant. Will it be a working out freakess or what will it be?

It has also been a problem with his perfectionism, how the home has to look "Just so". All the time nothing he did or did not do got on my nerves, while he would be irritated at me and the home because I refused in the end to try to keep it up to his standard because his standard was just impossible when I needed to focus on being a mom first of all.

And that can hurt me that I am around someone who is irritated at me, when I don't get irritated. He would never see everything I had done, he would point out what I had missed and thought he was entitled to be irritated about that and that I had to explain myself. I was not explaining anything. I would explode at him asking what was wrong with him. He goes too far in my opinion, and when you have been exposed to it for so long, it takes one comment, and you have a strong reaction to it. And maybe others can say yes that was insulting but was it really that bad that you had to leave him because of it, and I say yes because that comment stood for something. Not something I want in a husband. And not on me. And def not so children can hear that and think that is an OK thing to say from one human being to another.

I have prepared so if we are to split again I have all the documents I need to bring forward how unhealthy I think mentally speaking those kind of words are around children. I will not permit a child to be around that. I have my foot in the school, the nurse, the whole she bang. I am not afraid to speak. I have spoken before. It will be over my dead body that a child in this household will be exposed to hearing adults speak this way, grandparent in particular, even if that is not directed at the child. I have already seen the result from this. This is like a ticking bomb. Somehow my luv did not think a child could be start to think what is wrong with my body then? or ok so I can speak this way about someone else's body? NO you can not. We have to represent something else as adults. I will not have an adult in my child's presence, empower that adult, to say and behave that way. I as a parent is the one to decide who gets to hang around my child or not. My luv knows what I am talking about and I think he nearly **** his pants, sorry the expression. I think it was time he nearly **** his pants. I have also said it is a privilege for a grandparent to be around it's grandchild but it has no legal right what so ever. That is just something in our culture. Just because I wanted to be nice. I don't play nice no more. But that is how it has to be with some people before they respect boundaries. You have to have a god dam knife at their throat (mentally speaking) before they back off.

It is so great that you have recognized the female narc in your life and that you won't put up with it in others. Women should be about supporting each other, lifting each other up, not dragging us down.

I hope too you will feel stronger in time and get distance if not no-contact with the narc in your life, they have a way of spreading their sickness around. Some are just too toxic to have in your life.