It is a strange relationship a Father and a Son.
I had my Mother as a role model who he
beat, shot at and blamed for my sisters death.
Honestly I was attracted to the false power of violence.
I could not see her as a role model until years later
after my Naval Captain of the ship I was on had spoke these words in 1985.

"I know your kind, I don't like your kind and I will do
everything in my power to get you off of this ship."

These words confused me. "my kind" I did not know what he meant
by my kind. Of course I can see now that he probably meant I was just like my Father
and Grandfather even though he did not know them, he could see the fruits of that sort of upbringing.
A life set on a destructive path. Not caring about life and Love
but only spreading our grief and misery and calling that happiness.
At least I was able to look at myself honestly for the first time.
Before I would always blame what I done on the alcohol and not believe it was me
that acted that way.(Dr.Jykell Mr. Hyde)
Any who, I did see it was me and not the alcohols fault.

So in 1985 I threw myself and life at the Mercy of an unknown God and AA.
5 years later took my first step on the Red Road of Life. So I have had many roles models since 1985
and even my Mother became a role model until she crossed in 1990.
So I guess my whole point when it comes to DNA and looking back.
It is stingy and hurtful for me. So I have still this life and family that I still go through
the clearing of emotions and traumas. So it seems unfathomable to dredge up people
I do not even know yet.

Any way, computer is heating up so I will stop, so I do not lose these words.