I can really relate to the challenges you described Lumen. I've really only started to consider and focus on spirituality since September of last year when I began practicing Reiki (it was the best decision I've ever made). I struggled with keeping my attention away from video games and porn because I had already quit partying (drinking and some drug misuse) and like you, felt a void and need for some kind of stimuli. I would meditate at times, but I continually felt I wasn't doing it as much as I wanted to or should, since I was often choosing to do other things (like play World of Tanks for example). Stopping all the things that I felt was leading me astray was difficult, abstinence is not easy! In my opinion, giving in (call it relapse) to those things can be used as a learning tool and not something to be ashamed of or considered a failure. And just as Swami said, you will be able to find a balance between playing those games and not compromising how you feel spiritually (should you decide playing video games is something you'd like to continue doing).
I too felt like the feeling of spirit disappeared. It wasn't a very nice feeling, and it resulted in me wondering if I'd ever feel it again and if its presence was gone because I wasn't focusing on what I should have been.
Just always remind yourself, until you just know, that spirit is always within you and with you no matter what you do. You are spirit and you have the light and energy of God and the universe within you because that is who we are.
You most definitely are being guided, and you have been all along. Swami said some amazing stuff, especially:
Quote:
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The whole thing being that life becomes within a spiritual context and framework, not spirituality crammed into a life-on-Earth context . That switcheroo is the key
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Perfection!
If you haven't already, I would encourage you to check out reiki. It's pretty amazing and it might help you feel less brain dead lol (sorry if that comes across a facetious) Keep up your search and on this path, seems like you're doing awesome and you'll find contentment, happiness and fulfillment soon enough!