Weird how easy it is to recreate this dream. But changing it even slightly or creating something new, through years of deliberate focus and not even affecting the trajectory of this dream not even a tiny little bit! Like.... just one nano inch...
God's focus is so powerful and all of my suffering is part of that EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEME DESIRE OF GOD SOURCE! THAT HAS BEEN FOCUSING FOR BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS of years.... On its intention and desire and preference for me to here and now experience this suffering and get to experience this suffering, because it knows without a SHRED OF A DOUBT, FOR BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS OF YEARS, IT HAS KNOWN RELENTLESSLY all along... this desire... , its desire for me to suffer, focusing it for so long into being and becoming, so that I get to experience suffering again and again and again and knowing THE VALUE of that.... The great wonderful value of MY SUFFERING.
I'm like.... WHAT THE F IS GOING ON HERE?! SOMEONE HAS TO KNOW SOMETHING! I have been focusing for so long to exit this suffering and nothing happens, I cannot change what GOD has focused upon for BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS TO THE POWER OF BILLIONS of years... WITH THAAAAAAAT AAALLL OF THAAAT MOMENTUM! HUUUUUUUUGE BIG POWERFUL MOMENTUM. That preceded me, and is preceding me ongoingly and will continue to follow after me and is with me here all the time.
I am an absolute NOBODY. The succes of God is SO ABSOLUTE. And yet... It is fake. It is meaningless. And a duality. An illusion. A trick up the magicians sleeve. It does NOT even exist... It is SO MEANINGLESS that it does not even exist. It is SO MEANINGLESS that it voids itself AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN faster than time itself.
You gotta be a madman to believe in reality at this point. When you witness the evidence throughout every single particle in the entire universe. HOW CAN YOU EVER BELIEVE AGAIN?! HOW CAN YOU EVER AGAIN FALL INTO THE TRAP OF BELIEVING THAT ALL OF THIS EXISTS?! THAT ITS REAL. THAT IT HOLDS ANY POWER OVER YOU.
Like.... HOLY MOLY TOTAL KAPOLI. Pling plong de pam pam padoli!
And somewhere in there exists your entire universe smaller than the eye can perceive!?
And you worry about things that language have told is bad? Well, my experience is that suffering is bad. And its not about words, but the pain which has no physical EQUIVALLENT! There is NOTHING to compare it to. How can one even ask for help? If you know, that that pain exists, and you are eternal and you will not even be able to retain your memory of it. So that everytime you enjoy tea while sitting next to the brake lever as the train goes 500 mph towards a brick wall the size or mount everest. But the person who build that wall and focused it into being is not able to help you?! WHEN YOU ARE TOO BUSY DRINKING TEA?! Hahahaha!
Well, I'm taking a brake. Write soon.