Originally Posted by asearcher
thank you for writing me about this. i don't know what to say. i have suspected especially when starting out with meditations that there has to be a form of link between our energies here and the energies on the other sides and that they can spot you. is there a way to get rid of this beast like creature you see?
what i find scary about this too is because within my family, intelligent wise, some stand out as being high up on that score and yet...how should i put this? my uncle for example - known to have been very bright in school but early on my grandfather (who had a very loving, warm, kind energy to him) notice to his horror that this child enjoyed tormenting animals. Liked to see them suffer. He was not good to my mom either so I never actually met him because they broke off contact. There was something there. This something is perhaps heritage as I like you believe my brother was born with something. It is tragic because I know there is a part of him that is kind and good, but it's like he's really complicated, like I never know who's eyes I am looking into.
It is true, he has mentally and physically tormented me for years when he got ill, things you don't say to a child, it was especially hurtful because a a little sister one automatically looks up to ones older brother, especially I can imagine with that kind of age gap.
My mom was frustrating for me to deal with because she was for once in her life paralyzed with fear so she just let him roam around, but finally one day she called the cops and he could not live with us no more.
He knew just how to switch - or his disease that is - from being very low, depressed,help seeking to being this monster, and everyone's job was to tip toe around him and feel sorry for him or he would go and kill himself and correct themselves to what ever order he would come up with.
If I could go back I would have gone to the school and ask them to help me so I could live in a foster care home instead, but instead this was a family secret and I kept it. Everything had to look fine on the surface. It was very important.
Mom had to lock the door to my bedroom and sleep with me because we knew at night he would start - I was his favorite victim - bang the door, try to get in, and walls and come up with all kinds of stuff that he screamed at me. I was his favorite victim - I don't know why. I don't know what ever I did to him, but I guess he did not like it when I stood up for myself.
One time out on a balcony, I was like 10, he suddenly attack me and began strangling me and I have some memory loss i guess from this because of the shock. I can't say what happen before or after, really. I can't remember how I was saved. At the time i was 10, he was an adult so you can understand that physically speaking I had nothing to set against. Too because in my family even the females were, are tall and strong built, but for some reason I am short built. Nobody ever talked about the strangling episode, as if it hadn't happen, but I know it had. Maybe shame behind that one?
Sadly it is for me a recurring pattern as in my most previous past life I was targeted by someone who used violence too against me and became my tormentor. They would find her beaten down to the floor etc and help get her to hospital. She would move around and try to get away, but he would always find her and always find that space when she was alone, when no one else was around to help her, and even if there was - like one time it came in the newspaper - as the beating started outside, with lots of people being outside - it still happen. People would say she had talk back, she had use that forceful voice of hers as he had approach her, and I always get like that too when ever I am approached like that. I sound tough and I set the rules. I'm more like - stand back. Leave me alone. Some people usually never expect me to stand up for myself as I can seem like a "sissy" other times, so suddenly they are up to something they did not see coming. I think it is because I long for equality, fairness, balance. Same at work, same everywhere. I can not talk to anyone as if they are inferior or superior to me, I don't care about their current title, we are all human beings and we deserve equal respect.
Anyways,thank you very much for trying to help me - and for your vision.
Do you think it is possible that creature has been around not just in this life time but in past lives as well? Influencing people? Even taking over at times? If so - why us, one might wonder, why me (considering the same pattern of abuse from past life)? What is it we got that is so appealing to it? All I can say about it is that I know I have heard I am "sensitive", everyone can spot in my face, eyes what is going on, what I feel, but when it comes to my brother he was super sensitive and with that, I guess, comes a vulnerability? There are times when I have seen him from a distance just walk on the street and i am for some reason filled with love for him - and I see his vulnerability, it is so striking. I am sorry to give such conflicts-descriptions of him, but I suppose both sides of it is true.
Sorry for all these questions that pop up in my head and I don't mean to be a burden. Can't be easy to answer that, maybe no one knows.
Again, thank you :)