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Thank you for your reply, and tips for dealing with my mother in a healthy way for me.
This afternoon was another eventful afternoon with my mother, pfff...
She said I was sweet/nice at first when she'd moved (I had her move to my area last May) but of late I'm not sweet/nice anymore.
She says that whilst looking at me with this god awful expression on her face, meant to manipulate me and make me feel guilty, although I think she truly beliefs she's right with her accusations. I SO hate that facial expression of hers, uggh...
But... even though I haven't been at it with C-PTSS work I can tell things have begun shifting inside of me.
Which is exactly the reason why I can't deal with my mother's bee S anymore, hihi. All she ever does when with me is complain, whinge, whine, judge, nag. So tiring for me!
I don't think she does that with anyone else, just with me. I guess she still tries to use me as her emotional support like she always has.
And I'm beginning to resist.
You know, I've often felt that there were lots of similarities between how she treats me and how my narcissistic partner treated me!
In any case, this afternoon we went into town. I was thrilled about a number of things I saw. It was marketday and there were a few stands that interested me.
And since I'm beginning to change it is already much easier for me to socialise so I easier end up talking to people. And people open up more to me than before I began this work a few weeks back.
Amazing how fast that can go!!
In any case, instead of enjoying seeing her daughter having fun and doing so well (I told her about my C-PTSD) she is impatient as she has to wait for me, doesn't show any interest, no enthusiasm.
She bought something at one stand that she liked, I ended up talking to the seller. Then she drove off in her scootmobile as she was fed up (????) to go to the restaurant we had been headed for to wait for me there.
No why do such things? Beyond me... She doesn't have to stand as she's sat in her scoot mobile, she can smoke if she wants to, just that she's not getting attention.
Then 5 mins later my phone rings. I did not answer but I knew it was her.
Just unbelievable. Pressuring me instead of simply waiting for me to return, trusting I won't leave her hanging.
By the time we were having dinner it exploded.
Just now -couple hours later- I did some EFT on it so I can let go of it.
But I do feel a lot is really beginning to work out. A while back I asked support from the Intergalactic Council for my healing and suddenly everything happened, including finding out about C-PTSD.
In any case, long story short, I happened to be gifted a free course by Matthew Hussey because I pre-ordered his book and that course is on ... -drumroll-... how to talk to people!
YESSS!
Of late I became way more aware than ever that I seriously haven't a clue how you socialise. Because of my past I haven't learnt this.
Now I have this wonderful course on that topic?!?! FOr free!
I'm SO SO happy about it!
I've watched 9 modules over the past 2-3 days and already learnt so much!
That's the reason I'm already feeling things shift and experience better and easier interaction than I've had in yonks, maybe ever.
I'm also looking into groups, clubs, gatherings in my area. It's so easy to say that there is nothing to do here (it's backwater county), but then yesterday I found a women's group on the island where I live!
I haven't signed up yet, but considering it. And amazed to suddenly find out there are lots of things that I didn't even know existed, in my direct environment?!
I also wrote an entirely new dating site profile with the tips I got from the course.
I realise I'm not there yet, but change is occurring and as it is it seems to go quite fast too?!
A few days ago I also started the Daily Practice by CCF, but forgot yesterday and today. But... I used one of her tips on how to regulate in a stressful situation during the escalation with my mother this afternoon.
So things are beginning to stick, I'm remembering them IN the moment!
I had honestly not expected things to move this fast, but then I have invested a lot of time in it all already. Listened to tons of vids by CCF whilst painting, reading in my books, and then Matthew Hussey's webinars and this free course to top it off.
If I manage to actually do what he says in his course, and find myself a nice group to join I think I can come a long way in healing on my own.
It's mostly a matter of following through as lifelong neural pathways won't be undone in an instant. That takes time and persevering.
But the fact that things are shifting and I'm feeling so much better because of it is definitely inspiring!
The things with my mother is likely to be the toughest nut to crack... I may need help with that.
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