Thank you LostSoul13, I too wish you can be susided and rest, in time. Yes, so you know what I mean then with the idontcare and shyness. I think lots of people misread that. Independent I would not say in this case but I understand how you think it could be a natural alternative. Perhaps wanting to come across as independent, though? Can come across as having no time, interest.

In this is also my husband who has this fear that a child will feel left out, will come off as Idontcare too. This child is not left out. Its in his head, one of his fears. It is as if he wants to explain to me when to him people in our surrounding coming across like that (first layer only) that it isn't that and that I should not take it personal but can also in a careful, tender manner try to tell the child stuff like "you can't say it like that, that's rude", or there can be the moment when something is expected to happen, but doesn't and then he can sort of just smile to himself a little bit, but also as if he feels sorry for the other person, as he knows this is going to be misread.

What I dont know how to feel about is that my husband would show his worst sides to me, bad temper before, but with the woman he never did, as if he had more respect for her than me. It is not that I would have wanted him to be like that to her. I wouldn't have wanted him to be that way with me either. In his defense he would say stuff like he always felt he could tell me anything and that his temper got this way when he felt he was loosing me and he did not want that and he knew he acted the opposite of what he wanted but could not stop himself back then. It was followed by huge regrets, that whole process.

I have been told that "he didn't care" about the ending with the woman, that that is how it came across. He has said he was expecting it, and that he understood why. That he did not want it then, that he had tried, but that he understood.

He has told me lots of times now over the years that he thinks I am nice to people and to watch it so I won't come across as too nice but i know what I am doing, I'm no idiot. I often do feel a tenderness towards people and feel that everyone has integrity and are different yet the same, that fascinates me somehow, I think it's fun with people. He has said it when he has suspected or gotten the word that someone will do something special to me just to show gratitude. There has been times I have thought oh they show more respect to me than he has done before. But of course it would be strange maybe back then if they didn't.