Thank you both very much, Native Spirit and utopiandreamchild, I agree with you both, and thanking you also for letting me have an insight in how it can be in other families. Love is the key, but so is understanding, when we don't understand/ignorance things can go wrong very fast, and it is a good reminder that to not think the worst then, but think positive despite :) I know I have some work to do on my self to at least if I can be neutral (I mean neutral is better than negative, and in time maybe, just maybe, I can move on to being positive, hopefully).

As for me I realized as a child that something was different with someone else in my family and that this someone could not help that. Perhaps because I was a child I could see things differently than the adults. I remember the adults being so frustrated, angry, not understanding, pushing and the grim effects from that. Now looking back it is so clear to me.

I could agree in silence that some of the things that someone did could appear to be wrong but I could also see that that was not the intention at all why it did it like the grown ups thought.

That someone has had, has still such mental problems but the real diagnose was for years missed. I think had the grown ups understood early on what this really was I think it could have been helpful indeed even to prevent or to make the other conditions weaker.

I have understood that I like everyone else go "where home is". What is familiar. Why I found my luv to be "home" to me.

My luv has said before that living with me was so easy and that I seemed to understand him and he could not understand what I saw as problems in the relationship was taking a real toll on me, as I guess he was used to a lot worse. He thought we had it "so good" when he began seeing a change in me. I know now his natural take to take distance from people could both be because of bad experiences in his past (that he now knows how to avoid like a ninja), but also that he relates differently. I've been one of the few he has brought in closer which I sort of took for granted. But when it has been about some other things I have completely failed to understand, as I could not go pass my own emotions, reaction and he did not exactly communicate. I know now that had I only known back then some of those things that I have had a very strong reaction to, caused insecurity in me, made me withdraw from him, was not at all his intent. Had someone without his diagnose done that, someone who for instance knew social codes, the message would then have been clear to me, and that was how i read him off then (but really again just feeling my own emotions, my own hurt). But that was not his intention, not his message. Not what he wanted me to experience, go through. He has told me he now gets why I changed.

I just don't want anyone else, especially the younger generation, to go through something similar, to be misunderstood.