with all due respect I'm all for getting rid of baggage and do it, a lot. The problem for me is, everyone sees that I do it so I must like it so they want to give me more baggage to get rid of! Whereas I just wish I could be free of it! I used to be so upset with that but now it is kinda amusing lol!
I get that you want what you want and honestly you deserve it. Another of my problems though is that although I change and grow sometimes slowly and sometimes like crazy, and often will put myself out there even though I think it is going to hurt for the sake of others, anytime I make a promise people get in my way and make it so I can't fulfill the promise. And then when I can't fulfill the promise guess what? Rejection!
So I've learned to be stingy about promises about the future. Which as I'm seeing is actually a good idea for other reasons lol... all this trying to get guarantees about the future seems somehow unlikeable to god. But that just leads to more problems with people because everyone is all about what they can get and the sooner the better... and if I'm not handing out gifts what good am I? But I'm not santa and don't have gifts to give...
Honestly though, I've been burned so many times I've got a strong case of buyer's remorse at this point, and am not even sure continuing to try to connect to people is a good idea. I'm coming to the point of understanding, that maybe I just shouldn't... not that I don't want to, just, all i've come to know is dealing with life on my own and I'm not sure it is a good idea to continue to try to change that mix.
As if I could lol!
thank you for talking to me! I only rarely get a chance to say what I really feel about all this and that is precious
