[Gem]

I'd suggest not being concerned with Gods or anything else that is not actual in your lived experience as it is for you right now. Spiritual notions will tend to occupy the mind, as will yearnings for special spiritual experiences, but there is a single minded objective here - be aware of what your breathing feels like. Nothing else. Just that.

Of course the mind will get up to all sorts, wandering away, spinning stories, going into the past, projecting into the future, imagining conversations with people, obsessing about work, reacting, getting bored, becoming impatient and the rest of it, but none of this is a problem. Your task is to be aware of what your breathing feels like. Nothing else but that.

People are going to tell you what should be and what is required, but you have your own thing. Things are the way they are for you; not as they are for me or anyone else. Your time on the cushion is totally reserved for knowing in complete immediacy what it feels like to be breathing right now.

No matter what else happens internally or externally, it is irrelevant to your task. You are perfectly clear about what to do.