Hi, thank you everyone for writing here, and not being judgemental at all, but being very helpful.

It is more easy for me to see what someone else is doing wrong. Like when I thought I had come through to my husband about one thing, it then felt as if he just moved the problem around. What he was moving around was his anxiety. It really did not have to do with the situation/s, or me, in that sense.

Now just as JustBe points out I am the one who is going around in circles, the very thing I before thought my husband was doing before.

RedEmbers, yes, I see. I know of people the same way, some split up, some stay. I think you put it beautifully about the growth of the soul. Thank you for your compassion.

Lostsoul13, as long as you can keep it playful and from the description of it you can then it is not the sickness, the level of it, why I can tell you had your LOL there as well.

I think I am good enough in other areas in life, other roles. I have no wish to look different. I want to look just like the mix that I am. I even keep scars because they tell a story and I don't mind them there. That's me. If someone think that is ugly and want to have it removed that is on them.

I think anxiety can find it's way in just about anything. Like I know what my husband want it to be about: Keeping healthy, exercising - having that interest, both of us - there is nothing wrong with that. There was something wrong with his perfectionism though and where it steamed from. There is something wrong when you start to mock and put down your sexual partner, who has dared and have an intimate relationship with you, and the mother of your child/children's look. I think we both had a point to make but stood on two sides of it and it got to be a right or wrong matter.

For a long time I did not think I had this vulnerability, not honestly when it came to my looks, or weight. Not that I thought I was a star or anything, but I did not have complex and could not understand why others had any. I was going through old home videos the other day. Even in a home video I heard my husband, holding the camera, and the baby is tiny, to turn the camera on to me, him saying that I had almost already lost all the weight I had put on during pregnancy, and look at you, you're stunning. I basically stood there with my hair up in some pony tail, no make up, and wearing nothing, but clothes to relax in, and my eyes had been set before on the baby. I could tell by the expression of my face and no comment that I did not like it and did not or felt like saying anything. The home video was suppose to be about the baby. Already back then. I had completely forgotten about that.