[SierraNevadaStar]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi, do I understand you right - is it that you had a hope you would reconsile with him with your own split up and instead have find out he has invested in his marriage with the anticipated baby?

Your dream was very fascinating with him symbolic walking behind you and then dying, you were marching on, perhaps him dying that way was your destiny dying with him, which you already knew as you felt the baby he would have was not to be with you, but with his wife. Very interesting.

I use to have a kind of mental or memory connection with my ex too, years after the split up. When we were a couple we were close, but that was then.

I had to visualise that I would dig out like roots of our connection from me and see him fade away with it, cutting it off did not do enough.

I believe we come here to earth in a soulgroup and there is free will and several possible destinies and with or without him you are still just as loved.

Blessings

I'd let the idea of reconciliation go for a long time - so much so that I've been wanting - and looking - to move back home over 5,000 miles away for quite a while due to unrelenting homesickness. The current pandemic has delayed my actively embarking on these plans - especially with an at-risk child. I will not deny, however, that I had a glimmer of hope that someday, somehow - it might work out between us while also considering that it may well not. Moving on is what I've had to do months prior to their wedding mentally, emotionally and physically at least. At this point and more than anything, I want to achieve unfailing, unconditional self-love.

My twin's wife is a karmic partner. I did once ask him why he married her and the reason I was given was both self-destructive, self-sabotaging in nature. In saying that, my twin has seemed quite involved with her and the life they have which is an upscale, wealthy one. Now there will be a child. I have my own child to love, look after and to give the best life I possibly can to.

Yes, my dream was/is interesting. Thank you so much for your perspective on it. I'm glad I wrote it down at the time while it was still fresh in my memory. In revisiting my June entry of the dream just now, I oddly wrote that I felt the car-seat really was for me despite my distrust - even though I was not pregnant with a child yet (though, as strange as this may sound, I had been made 'spiritually pregnant' by my twin with the physical manifestation of our union years back. I did not 'birth' it due to my unresolved issues. I don't know the current status of this 'pregnancy.' I can only say that I still feel the energy close by me - just less constantly so.). I somehow knew I would be pregnant in the future (his wife was already quite likely pregnant at this time). My twin seemed eager and excited to give it to me. I even joked with him about just how eager he was. Still, I thought it could mean what it turned out to be - that, perhaps, there was a child coming to he and his wife and this is why I experienced his death in the dream. I also considered that due to my doubting and distrusting (old inner moppets of mine surfacing again and which continually inhibited our physical union) of the gift, I was being warned what could happen should I continue in this way. But I guess this dream turned out to be a showing of what had since happened - not a warning of what could happen as in the 2014 dream. Those two dreams are connected which highlights my catastrophic failure even more. Also interesting: autopsies generally mean dissecting something to see what went wrong, searching for conditions which caused issues with one's life path - or looking for what is hidden or has died within someone or something. Makes sense.

Your words: "perhaps him dying that way was your destiny dying with him" - well, I have to admit they are depressing and hurt like hell to read. Still, I have to consider them as possibly being true. There is so much to process and understand though I doubt I'll ever understand it all. I don't think I even want to - not anymore.

Also, thank you for saying that I am still just as loved. It can be difficult to feel that way sometimes when our vision and mind are so often fixated on the physical here-and-now.