Quote:
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Originally Posted by -Kaí-
...found out I was once Azraél/Azarafel...
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I apologize, I was wrong in regard to half of this statement.
Since I wrote this I found out... Though yes, my name was once, Azraél, I was not Israfel.
Most of my memories are somewhat disjointed. There are probably more than a few here who can sympathize. It can be a bit confusing separating your own memories from events involving others who you have strong emotional ties to.
I was there when our brethren turned on her, standing between them. From the perspective of my memory it looked as if their aggression was directed at me. After some time the memory became clearer and I realised there was someone behind me as I turned each way to face her accusers.
These memories, along with a number of others that share a similar theme, are really irritating me. The more I remember about our kind, the more I'm beginning to understand why. There are also stories from the Bible that don't make sense about my cousin, and very close friend Luci(fer). I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just struggling to understand how this could happen considering our nature.
I know we weren't automatons, only doing what we told to do by God. We are "sentient" beings in every sense of the word. We have desires and feelings, the same as every other living, self aware, being. The thing that puzzles me, isn't that we were capable of turning, but that some of us did. We aren't just loyal soldiers, messengers, emissaries, etc... We are family. God's family. We were never mistreated or belittled, and even more than that, we understood who God is. None of us would have ever thought we could take God's place, nor would we have EVER thought to try. No one angel in their "right mind" would ever think of doing such a thing, nor would we want to. I can't even fathom such a responsibility and I wouldn't want to live in a universe where it was possible for me to even try.
...so this comes back to why these memories are so abhorrent to me. We wouldn't turn on each other either, not of our own volition. I can honestly say I fear very few things but the thought of going to war against my own family terrifies me. Not that I'm afraid of them, but because I love them. These are not some foreign enemy, these are my brothers, sisters, cousins... and I know (...or once knew) every one of them. Not just by name, intimately.
As I've taken this journey of reawakening over the last, almost two years, theres a theme I've caught hold of. It's elusive but resufaces time after time, madness. I've come to believe that something corrupted our song and have had to fight this thing within myself.
There's a mystery here, and it doesn't just concern us... I can feel it, hear it, taste it, in all creation. A corruption in the music.
I trust Abba to bring correction to it, Mother is with me and kept my mind sound, and I feel our Brother, the King of Kings near... If you're going through this as well, hang in there, there is a plan at work even if we've been made to forget it as part of our function within it's purpose. All this time there has been something hidden deep within me, telling me we had a part in it's conception. We all agreed. I believe we are quickly coming apon the greatest evolution this universe has ever had, and our God has control firmly within grasp.
My family, do not despair, you are dearly loved and wanted. I truly believe we are going home.
Much love
-Faith-