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Originally Posted by Starman
Over the decades a lot of people would comment to me about how strong they thought I was, when actually it was not strength at all. I was the youngest of 6-children growing up in a single parent household, and my older siblings would often tell me not to bother mom with my problems, so I kept my problems to myself.
I went into the army at the age of seven-teen and they preached the false narrative of what it meant to be a man. This was back in the 1960’s when it was said “men are not suppose to cry,” and in Vietnam wounded and dying soldiers out in the field were often told to “eat their pain” and not show it. Which later lead to a lot of emotional problems.
My dearly departed wife taught me that it was okay to ask for help, and how being vulnerable is genuine and honest. Weird, because I worked in the helping profession for 42-years, helping lots of people, but did not know how to ask for help for myself. I became highly independent, and un-necessarily suffered at times when I did not have to.
Its only been in the last couple of decades that I have become comfortable asking for help and allowing others to help me. What others previously saw in me was not strength; it was more like stubbornness, and an ineptness at sharing my feelings. It took time for me to get to a place where I could be open to actual sharing. For so long, for me, sharing was one-sided. But I have learned we do not need to suffer in silence.
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You've been through a lot... I believe there is strength in vulnerability. The issue is finding the place you can be vulnerable and honest without being judged or humiliated for it.
If we were all more sensitive to each other, the world could be a better place.