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Originally Posted by Colorado
Yeah....I understand.
My past life self, was alot like my current self. I was alot more innocent, naive, trusting in that life. I was abused, humiliated, bullied, abandoned, neglected, betrayed, and I had a disabled child. There was too much on my plate...I just couldn't do it. I went through alot of the same in this life...and I survived, and Im at peace with the choices I have made. I wish things could be different at times...that families took care of each other, that father's were good to their daughters, that mothers took care of their young, that husband's were loyal to their wives and vice versa, and our children didn't suffer from disabilities, and friends were true friends, and the community would limit their gossip unless it was constructive & helpful...but there's something to learn in everything I see...
maybe one day.
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thank you... such horrible times you have gone through and you really made it to the other side. In that past life of mine my family were so concern with appearance. I did not care what people thought, not when it came to things that was really non of their concern. In that life I was blessed with things that could cause envy but I did not understand it at the time. I was not allowed to have a free will on my own, a life on my own. When finally so blue I sat at a psychiatrist office who help me I knew the only way to live and stop dying on the inside (which was by the way another embarrassment for the family, the husband) was to break free. I knew it would be very difficult and I feared the revenge. It did not feel like I had much choice. There were times when the guilt became overpowering and I let myself be taken into their powers again but again became only a shell and had to break away once again. In one way I lost my eldest, my beloved child in that life who sided with the husband, later ex husband. I could tell I did not want this child to chose side at all. All I could do was to still love my child but it was heartbreaking. To have hope that one day the anger, the hurt would go away. To one day understand. One way to show power in that life was like you write with the fear of what other would think and do, that reputation was so important, the other power was money - I did not have much of it, I only had that old "good reputation" from a "fine family" - but my ex husband had and it was used against me, a weapon to frighten with, to show off power, to dominate. But one time in history he had not come from such surroundings. Arrogance. This was another thing showed to me that the father's word in the family was what the child followed, not mine. Old settings from the marriage, family life days. When I crack under pressure there was the fear it was to be used against me because so far the one thing I had had going for me was my sanity, now they could say I was weak, that they had even more right to rule. It took the ex husband a long time to change for the better on the inside, but he did it, and I am proud of that, so I guess we all learn from it one way or the other.