Like to recommend this article/page Unwanted memories: How to forget them

Further down information about dreams, sleep patterns.

Also how OCD can manifest itself to not like to be touched, something that I can see is in my husband's parent and that he had that too around his first family out in public, would get a strong reaction.

I have of lately processed old memories that were before "forgotten" about a past relationship with a man a psychiatrist thought was a psychopath.

He was someone kind and friendly and gave people impression to trust him. I got to see another side of him.

In real life it is hard for me to find the words when I am being asked about him, the relationship, I only feel it and what I feel is only the tip of the iceberg.

Afterwards it feel as if everything around me is a dream, a kind of fog and I have a kind of detachment to my own reality. I can't say I am tired. I'm just different.

I am wondering if my brain is trying to re-set it self and so while doing that, this is how I get.

People notice this difference to me right away. I can't say that I am thinking about anything in particular.

There has been things that went on that I can't write about.

Personally I think he wanted to break my spirit, that was part of his mission as I was not allowed to leave him and not allowed to think, feel for myself. I was an object to him.

I can't say how long some of the things he did, how long they lasted, but I think it went one level deeper than the usual stress alarm bell play dead.

I was not able to connect with my own feelings or my own reality and while in the relationship it was as if everything around me was like this movie. I kept myself neutral I suppose and would smile when that was called for but I can't say that I was really there and I could not help it.

On the surface we had it all and they would look at me as if I was someone very fortunate to have a boyfriend, later fiance, who loved me like the way they thought he did.

I think he at short period of times, like a minute or two, wanted me to see him for what he was, when he exposed what he had planned, and when that happened I had to embrace myself because the truth of what he had, psychopathy, was beyond words to describe, to take in. He knew he was different, of that I am sure. He did this when I had caught him (not cheating, nothing like that).

I have during meditation experienced that I came across the essence of his spirit and thankfully I have to say he then has a spirit and it felt good like the rest of us at it's pure form. I hope this is true. If true I am beyond relief.

There were layer after layer after layer and so on before I got to feel his essence, his spirit. That is not how it is with others I have felt, experienced. Emotionally I could feel the love of which he was, separate from me and me from him, but that his spirit had it. I guess for some reason, unknown to me, he chose to be born as a psychopath, as they are not made, they are born this way, there is something in the brain they can not help, shape or do anything about, they will be this way til they die.

I know when I first met him I got a very bad feeling of strong dislike, that he was different, but everyone around me acted as if he was a prince or something, and I could not point it out what it was and over a period of time I began to question myself why my dislike for him was so strong. Back then I would never have imagined I would date him or more.

When our relationship was in trouble but he still did not want to let go, which I at first thought, I knew that no counseling, psychiatrist could help us. I only went back to my first impression/s and I knew there was nothing that could be done about his energy. I could not explain that to someone, but I was certain of it. Later on a psychiatrist told me she thought he was a psychopath (and I first associated that with the break out prisoner in the old movie Cape Fear and did not understand or know the first thing about psychopaths).

I've done the whole forgive and forget