Hi Enchanted. This is fantastic that you have been able to free yourself from the relationship and the fear it held over you. I think it's "normal" to blame ourselves for staying in toxic/abusive relationships. I know I've done that when I was married to my first husband who was abusive. It was because a friend finally blurted out that she was worried about me and got us a place to live together and helped me move out - that was what yanked me out of that hell. Wishing you continued reclaiming of your joy and true self on your journey!