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Four years ago, I was an agnostic bordering on atheist. More precisely, as I was told, I was a "Christian Agnostic"--meaning that I would believe in *God* if I saw Him. Then one night I had an epiphany to end all epiphanies--a line of reasoning leading straight to an infinite, God-like entity, without the need to believe in any form of magic and with absolutely no leap of faith required (that I can see) other than that the universe will continue as it has since the beginning.
The following year or so was as terrifying as it was mind-blowing and uplifting. Never in my life had I actually believed that any of these things could possibly be true, yet here I was with my entire belief system rearranging itself to accommodate my new reality. I dived into inner work, something that I had done earlier in my life with great difficulty, and found it virtually effortless--I simply had to recognize that something was a problem, and then it would essentially resolve itself naturally. For example, when I earned my first paycheck when I was 16 years old, it came to a grand total of around $55 for a week-and-a-half's work because I hadn't been trained correctly to operate the time clock (I was 16, remember?). My assumption at the time and ever since was that my supervisor--who I assumed would have seen the error and corrected the mistake if he was honest--intentionally cheated me. But upon reflection, I realized that the more likely scenario was that my boss wasn't a villain, he was a slacker! Rather than checking the time cards for accuracy, he just signed off on them. As this was totally in line with my recollection of him (a laid-back "surfer dude"), my attitude toward him softened somewhat, and much of the lingering suspicion I have had toward my employers melted away.
I hear talk of receiving "downloads", and I'm pretty sure that's what was happening to me. I began writing a book, a novel that would explain these insights while telling a story. As I wrote, ideas would appear in a way that was completely outside of my normal creative process. The best way to describe it would be that they would "pop" like popcorn--entire scenes, lines of dialog, even just simple "yes" or "no" answers to questions, whether I asked them or not. Then, in response to me expressing my doubts about this whole thing, a truly large "kernal" appeared, but didn't "pop". I worked on it for three days, gradually understanding what it was and what it was about, until it finally popped--it was a creation myth. A believable one.
And then it got to be too much. I asked for things to slow down, and they did. But not before another "kernal" appeared.
Understand that I'm not trying to set myself up as some kind of prophet, or anyone special. I simply believe that for a time I was connected to something/someone that has been in contact with humanity since our very beginning. It does not speak to us as a human would, it does not tend to have conversations. It gives us ideas, then leaves it up to us to process them in our own way, in ways that we can understand. Our minds act like a kind of "filter". A dirty one. We project our current beliefs onto whatever new information we receive, in this case, taking divine inspiration and coloring it with our own assorted baggage. The result is a system of belief that is unique to each individual, group or culture, yet based on true divine guidance.
So this brings me to the point of my post here. Is there something wrong with God? No. There is absolutely nothing wrong with God. What's wrong is humanity's tendency to think of God as some kind of insurance policy--if you spend a couple hours every Sunday using your butt to warm up a pew, bad things won't happen to you. I invite those who believe such things to read the Book of Job, though I am not a Christian. What's wrong is our lack of discernment regarding our own faith, trusting our spiritual leaders while many of them shovel hate into our hearts for their own selfish purposes. What's wrong is our tendency to shove our beliefs in the faces of those who don't want them. To believe that ours is the One True Faith and that all others are wrong or evil. To believe that our faith alone makes us righteous. To attempt to fight evil out in the wider world without first fighting it in the very place where evil lives and thrives--in your heart.
I say these things as much to myself as to you, and these are things that I believe we should always keep in mind, even if we think--are *convinced*, even--that we are doing right.
I'll close out this post by saying this: I can say with certainty that whatever higher power you believe in absolutely does exist. What I cannot say is how much power that being or beings have in our particular universe. But one thing I can say for certain is that the being(s) that you believe in *do* have immense power here, through the words and deeds of those who follow them. So, people of faith... represent.
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