|
Originally Posted by Ewwerrin
I wasn't raped, tho I had a bad childhood. So maybe this will give you some perspective?
I also have these types of dreams. All of the time. But to me the demons are often very clearly visible. Sometimes quasi physical with allot of rage emmenation and reality distortion. But I've also had real terrorizing demons grey skinned muscular naked physical powerful tall reptilian looking. Jumping and hunting. Kind of like the stone pokemon, but absolutely no life in their eyes absolutely demonic. I am glad they are not in this life.
What is even worse I hallucinated of spiders in my bed. When my third eye opened while I was asleep. I had to be really relaxed and allowing for that to even happen. I thought I would receive a beautiful vision. And the spider seemed to be saying hello, but it was not waving at me. It was feeling its way with its paws? I dont know what it was doing. Freaked me out.
Instead of reflecting my relaxed state of being, I received the complete opposite. And then there was a real spider in my bed a month later. Smaller but still bigger than most I've seen and thicker. Very scary.
Like always. I can't do anything about these things. As I have schizophrenia. So I have to conjure my own visions to distract me from these things. Requires powerful focus.
It seems like the torture never ends, but when I focus in my meditation, consistently, without interruption, on anything. Somehow magically all thoughts dissapear, I have clear mindedness and my emotions are pure serene prestine like crystal clear as water.
For me because I get distracted so, and this thought of fear leads to that thought of fear. Focusing is difficult, but I can accomplish it, of I give it my all to focus on something simply and meaningless to quiet my mind. If I succeed in focusing consistently, it's like, this stable consistent center of my focus, brings quiet to all of my mind. When I do succeed in focusing consistently for 20 minutes, really try to focus with all of my power. Then my mind quiets.
And then there is so much peace and my dreams also so much peace. One time I experienced real love in my dream, after I meditated like this. Love like I had never experienced before. Authentic. Pure. Honest. Mindblowing. It was even realer than my life. And it felt great to be happy again. And see good dreams again.
So you might say my subconscious attacks me yes. But I can suffer it forever. Or I can focus in my meditation and then my subconscious is simply quiet. No hallucinations nothing. But its not easy. I have to really do the meditation and sometimes I fail. Because I cannot focus. But usually desire gets stronger due to suffering and then I have more fuel to use. I can channel that despair as power, to get me to really focus. And then I find peace again. Once I do focus, it just takes a few minutes to quiet my mind. Then from there on it becomes easy to focus. And that means, I just have to keep my mind clean and then it stays clean. Only focus on things that make me happy. And feel good. Thats it. Its a goal. It works for me. It offers me allot of relief. But in the beginning I had to really learn how to do it. Especially when you're in the middle of chaotic mind. It becomes almost impossible to focus. The key is to focus in order to quiet the mind. To stop thought. Not focus on thinking. That just expands the despair and hallucinations and delusions and such things.
I dont know, maybe it helps maybe not. Hope it does.
|