It hit me today. I remember too much from my past life in the most recent one when I was married for a time to a fellow who would develop a drinking problem, who would be controlling and jealous, who would be strict and handsome and having a big smile, humor, who was tall and had broad shoulders, who could get an "unkind" look in his eyes but too "great tenderness" when looking at who I was in that life. He was too, in my taste, "steamy" by nature. He would too be involved with some bad guys. I would divorce this guy.

In this life I am in now what happens? My first love developed a drinking problem, another love was jealous (psychopath) and he too was involved with some guys... and the third was controlling of me, others he did not care about (being a son of a narcissist, and control means safety, went to do therapy...and some more therapy to try to save us or what remained)

What is this? What was I suppose to do then in that life? Stay married to him? We were driving each other crazy, as far as I remember. When is enough enough? Why again? Was it because my life was cut short? I have to do it all over again? But I had gone through it already.

We did make peace in that life, after he stop drinking and found God and me too connection to God and we were friends as in friends as in co parenting, perhaps before our time, he was dominant by nature so he was hard to get rid off, LOL. But as far as I can remember he still knew how to push my buttons.

He was helpful (OK, now I feel bad) in keeping the memory of my past life self alive, with the family and friends we had, through social, media, which was how I got to know. He would express nice things, and keep photos online. Sometimes he got help with it by others.

Through fate or accident it was a close call we met in this life as well. It was as if universe had something up it's sleeve as I through my then work and where I was, suddenly found myself in communication with someone working for him! I never would believe would ever happen. The odds for any of that to happen were very small if not down to zero.

I always wondered to myself if I had dared to meet him, if the circumstances would have been such, if I had not retreat back when I did, would he have recognized my spirit in this new body? He could then have been my grandpa, LOL, but then a young grandpa. I had always thought our worlds were so far apart even if I knew he and the family still were alive and living in the same time zone. That it had been a mistake I remembered. That they only would think I was a nut case if I had said anything. I had not wanted to remember in the first place, but why would they believe that?

Its such a bad joke that the defects in him is something that I was to face in 3 different loves over time.