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Ohhh I'm learning a little on a somewhat similar note currently:)
I don't think it's that you have to be grateful for experiences you consider negative but it's more just really accepting that they happened in general that's been helpful for me. While I'm certainly thankful for what I've learned from some experiences, I personally wouldn't consider it necessarily healthy for a survivor of abuse to thank their abuser for breaking their bones or forcing them to learn to disassociate ya know? The simple fact that others have experienced 'worse' traumas in no way simplifies or invalidates your own experiences. It's like when parents tell their kids to finish all their food because a child across the world is starving. That doesn't change the fact that the kid is full and done. Both can happen at the same time.
I think the simple notion of hope has a lot to do with it. Ruminating on negatives often only breeds more negativity. For me, I found that focusing on specifically aiming to heal certain wounds still left them uncovered. Are you familiar with that saying about how muddy waters only clear once you let them sit? I think that's the only way to start seeing clearly. It seems you've already begun to try to shift yourself toward focusing more toward the positives and that's wonderful.
It's easy to tangle self-compassion with self-pity because they both involve focusing inward toward the self but when it all boils down to it, you just gotta be nice to yourself. I think this takes constant practice during steady times because practicing self-compassion during only moments of extreme self-loathing probably won't work well if you're not even nice to yourself on the good days. Some people find talking to their inner child to be healing. Some people find it, well...childish. You know you best and there's not one right way to love yourself.
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