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Originally Posted by LadyMay
I've had chronic migraines ten years, idiopathic hypersomnia the same amount of time, chronic sciatica recently... I've had lots of therapy but I've recently started again, and each layer of therapy goes progressively deeper. I've learned through body work that all these conditions are the result of trauma, pain, anxieties, all trapped so deeply in my muscles they're chronically tense and knotted, my body has been constantly in fight or flight mode, and now I've stopped to address that, all these health issues suddenly are going away, just like that. Years of doctors exams and being thrown medicines, I don't need the medicines anymore after all this time.
I also have an auto-immune disease, primary adrenal insufficiency where the adrenals don't work. Well, why would they when they are exhausted from constantly being in overdrive? They literally burned themselves out and I am coming to believe at this point won't work again until I manage to get my sympathetic nervous system to calm down and under conscious control. For me, it turns out all my problems are internal, psychogenic they call it, or functional neurological symptom disorder (previously called conversion disorder). The doctors could never tell me this let alone get me help for this, but after a decade of suffering this is what it turns out to be.
I also have a dissociative disorder, where the mind is fragmented and forms different personalities as a way to cope with the anxieties and stress. I thought I was possessed, I thought demons were circling me, tormenting me, making me doubt my own thoughts and feelings, my own spiritual experiences, I was in hell, the devil was out to get me. I had exorcisms, which just made matters worse. I was put on anti-psychotics for that, but therapy once again helped out with that. Again, turns out it all came back to mind.
There are so many things we can experience as human beings, especially those called to the spiritual path where the exploration of the mind and the soul goes beyond the body. We forget our own physicality, we lose connection to our body, lose grounding and become disconnected, dissociated, swimming in our own terrors and torments, and the body is in so much pain unable to handle the onslaught of psychological and resulting neurological overload.
The demons, the entities, the energy vampires, they may be draining us, but healthy people don't stand for it, they are calm and relaxed and put their boundaries up, they're strong in spirit and mind and grounded in body, they're not prone to breaking down, because there's nothing within them unstable. When you experience these things, it's because the internal was already in a place vulnerable to being thrown off its perch, you could call it the ego. And then our shadows expand to ginormous sizes, become lifelike and take on the appearance of djinn who promise temptations for your soul. But how can you give a soul you already do not possess? When your soul is not under your control? Fragmented and doing who knows what with your broken mind.
There are many things in the external life we can't control, but we can always control our internal reaction. Maybe it's not conscious to you to begin with, but it's our shadows that make us conscious when we learn to befriend them and listen to what they're saying to us. Everything I learned about how to heal myself came from within, from listening to my body and my emotions, to learning what it needed.
It's a long journey. And physical illnesses are real, but what I'm saying here is so much is under your control, if you just learn how to. Suffering once realised then becomes a choice. Do you wallow in it or do you decide to work on it to better your inner reactions?
It's never easy being ill, neither in body or in mind, but here is a spiritual lesson or chance rather to learn to master your body-mind.
First you're the victim, then you start on the path to recovery. You have the power, you just need to tap into it. To knock on the door that will be answered, within your own self. To start that hero's journey, or finish it now that you are facing the dragon. The dragon is only defeated when it's befriended.
Demons no longer haunt me or bother me. I stopped asking whether they're mine or whether they're spiritual. I hold the power now, over my own reactions. This is the path of healing.
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