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We can't just say I want to let this emotional scar go and it goes. It doesn't work like that.
There are steps we have to take.
Traditional therapy says forgive those who have harmed you. And I firmly refused to do that. That would be validating them and not me! That would take the focus off of my pain and letting them off scott free! No way, Jose'!
Number one, practice self love. What role did you play in this incident? Do you blame yourself? Maybe you weren't strong enough to fight them off, or maybe you said something that cause this incident to occur. Or maybe you just weren't experienced enough. Or wrong place right time. Whatever it is, forgive yourself from a deep emotional level. You aren't born wise. You grow and learn as you go. (Similar to parenting). Knowledge is hindsight. I did the best I could back then. Now I would make different choices. I used to literally wrap my arms around myself and practice mothering that inner child that was so hurt.
Number two is write about the incident that caused the emotional scar. Talk to those you can confide in that will listen. Talk until you are sick and tired of talking about it. Until you feel you have purged yourself of this incident. If no one will listen then write, write, write.
Allow yourself to cry. That deep gut wrenching painful cry. As many times as you need to.
I don't know your religious or spiritual beliefs but I believe I set myself in that situation where I was harmed way before I was born when I was setting up my blueprint for life, as some call it. I chose to go through that incident because in the long run it would teach me something I needed to learn. So essentially I had to admit to myself that I put myself in harm's way. How could I feel sorry for myself if that is the case? If you don't believe like I do, just skip over this suggestion. You can still heal.
This takes time. Not weeks or months. It may take years. We are all different.
But eventually after, I don't know, maybe 10 years I was able to let it all go and heal on an emotional and spiritual level.
I didn't hurt anymore. And even further down the road I no longer had the rage I had towards those who harmed me. They were merely the vehicle I used to learn lessons. I was finally able to let them go. And there was forgiveness towards them. But only after I forgave myself.
Lastly I am comforted that I will never have to go through such trauma again, ever. It's over. Kaput, done, period.
And now? I'm glad I went through what I went through because I became the person I wanted to be. My spiritual self is so much stronger than it would have been had I not gone through what I went through.
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