I have noticed I have entered a new kind of gang of people who has the same type of humor that my husband had (still has, I bet). He would lots of times make fun of me, and share stories, and since that was basically all I got to hear from him it began over time to effect me. He was restricted in giving praise, compliments (as that would make him what? vulnerable?). I was the opposite. I would give people compliments, praise, and him too, would joke but not on their expense, I wouldn't take a chance.


I have thought if their put-me-down dark sense of humor is because they in one way want to come or feel entitled to be close to me, that they have the right to do that, and if they too at some level feel inferior to me, as they need my help but I mean I know they are good at what they do, and I'm good at what I do, so I don't see myself as superior in any kind of way, we're at different positions, that's all.

How to answer back?

I can not bring myself to joke like that back. I never did that with my husband when he was like that, and I don't feel like doing it with this new gang either. That doesn't seem to stop them.

I can see their vulnerabilities that they may not be aware at all that I see. I saw it before in my husband too. Because of my empathy I can not go to attack. I do not want to join the game.

I have a better self esteem these days than before so in one way I can handle it better than when I finally cracked under pressure before but it is to me still a kind of sad reminder of how it was OK to be the one you made jokes about like that, my husband did it and he allowed anyone else to do it as well.

I can tell these people are drawn to me, perhaps even more so than I am to them, and perhaps it is their sort of humor that to me works like this barrier, me not allowing them to come closer because of it.