[Pequena Estrela]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi sweetie! Thank you. I do hope you solve the mystery behind your current situation, your friend seem complicated, two-faced.

I know, I know I write sometimes in I and sometimes in she and I, i don't even think about it. i agree with you we are the same.

I go "She"-term too at times when I felt caught in the marriage playing a role. On the surface it look perfect. they had so much. He was successful, getting more and more of that m, but i remember him stress out about that too and she did not know how to help him with that. She did not lack anything from the materialist point of view. But she was still a full grown woman who was being dominated. Owned. to have that self image of one self was not nice.

i can't answer to why someone gets to be so easy jealous and controlling. the controlling part i think though is fear. Because it felt like the more she wanted to breath the harder he held on.

But i could see she appreciated other things about him, that he was a family man. that they later manage to be friends. that she knew she could call him in time of trouble.

So I get the feeling one get when someone else wants to own you, especially in a love affair. That there can be a sickness in it. Maybe this is what you have been going through with him in the past, as you suggest. if someone else owns you you have lost the right to your free will or they want to take that from you - and this is danger - and so you run. you run because we can't be happy without our free will. even if one is in a relationship one should not loose this right, this individuality.

"My" ex husband was too strong, too angry and he would get things his way. like i honestly was not strong enough in the long run to keep fighting him. but it did not mean i did not love him and did not appreciate him as a Dad. but yeah, I remember too much of him, with him being angry and frustrated. Memories I don't want.

from few scenes i remember he was controlling too during the split and after divorce, and she couldn't relax, but lots of years after that one i would remember they could be relax and joke and have a good time at a barbecue outside with children and friends. And one scene i remember being pregnant but with another man and the ex husband was in what i presume was our new living room and talking and meanwhile our child lean to him as if they were really use to one another. and the ex husband gave me a look of great tenderness and i had recognize it before but this when I was expecting one of his children, during our marriage. still even if not his baby he could still afford to give me that kid of generosity. Many years later on face book he had put up a picture of me while i was pregnant with this other man's child. now that is some kind of generosity he just had in him too, at times. and him wanting to know if I was doing alright (I had miscarried before in our marriage) in the living room. That he was happy for me, that i was doing well perhaps because he knew how blue i had got when I had miscarried before. I would remember crying and feeling ashamed and withdrawing from him, taking it worse than he did. I look pretty heavy in those pics but still it was put up there with some sort of tenderness.so he wasn't just this angry "monster".

Thank you for all your kind words and encouragement :)

Hi asearcher, I've noticed something very spooky here - what you have written on here, and what is shown in my email notification, is completely different!!!

May I ask, did you edit and re-write your post after you originally posted it?

In my email notification it's a very very long reply from you, but what is on here seems like a severely shortened version of it. Very spooky!

If you want I can copy paste on here what is shown in my email notification but I didn't want to do that just yet in case you edited your post for a reason and don't want the original to be on here. Or I can copy paste it in a PM to you.

If it wasn't you editing this post then we have something to worry about... I don't mean admin, they wouldn't change a post, they would only remove it if it was against the guidelines, but the post on here from you is different!


Now, there is also something else spooky.

In your reply that is shown in my email notification, you mention you put a lot of the blame for what happened with your then husband on the 1950's up glory housewife magazines that idealized wives pleasing their husbands.

But in the post on here, you mention that your then husband put a picture of you on facebook, a picture of you being pregnant with your new partner after the divorce.

This timeline doesn't add up since facebook has only been around during the last few years.

Any idea of what's going on here?


As for my former friend, yes he is complicated, nothing is ever as it seems with him. I don't think he is happy about the fact that I have seen through him and I suppose that was one of the reasons, if not the main reason, for the friendship having come to an end.

It seems to me that he wanted to own me in my past life and he still wants to own me now because to him, that's the only way he can get close to me. Maybe he is mad with love, or jealousy, or plain old obsession, who knows.

Interesting that he is still pursuing me after all these centuries, I just wonder why, if he is so madly in love with me, he doesn't just tell me so??? You know, in a normal way, not all this dream invasion business? What's he scared of, does he think I'm going to bite him? Lol...

How peculiar!