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Originally Posted by OriSunshine
Hi all :)
So, today I decided to ask all of you for help because it seems I can’t solve it and I hope some will help me to get clarity on this.
Thank you, I love you all
Be safe!
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Understand that while there is work to do on your self, there is nothing to solve. You learn to work with what you got and use it for your own healthy growth. So here I will make a long rambling post, which I hope is helpful.
Seems he was sending you signals that this relationship was going to part ways, when he said he was not ready, maybe you were not ready to hear that. I think you may be holding on because of the great times you had and wanted to continue having with him. Unmet expectations can hurt us.
First of all there is no set grieving time for loss; some grieve for years while others grieve for months. It depends on how emotionally a person is invested in another person when they break up, and it sounds like you were, and still are, pretty invested in this person. Maybe you even thought one day you two might marry. He seemed like the perfect mate for you, at least from what you have posted.
But he said he was not ready, and that dashed any wishful thinking you may have had. Nonetheless, you are still holding on to “what if” or “why” in regards to that relationship. If he was not ready and the relationship continued it might have been a one-sided relationship, which might be hurtful as well. When a potential mate does not respond the way you would like for them to respond it causes problems. I don’t know if you know about the grieving process, or what stage you might be in.
Grieving is similar to withdrawal from and addiction, lots of people use other people like a drug to get their emotional fix. Not saying that is what you have done, But I think the 5-stages of grieving,that Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross put forward, as related to the dying process, can give you some insight. You are grieving the death of a relationship; similar to a person grieving the physical death of a loved one.
Letting go is a process; your emotions are going through a process, and turning your interests elsewhere, not necessarily to another person, but to a hobby, a passion, a go to situation when you are feeling down, may help to speed up that emotional process. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is only your way. Look online about the “grieving process” and journal what stage you think you are in, and what is said about that stage.
That you feel 2-years is too long, or that is the way it sounds, says to me that you are ready to let go; else you would not be inquiring about it. Do a light exercise workout several times weekly, it will help focus your attention. Tai Chi, or some other centering technique may also help. Grieving comes with thoughts and feelings, and years from now those thoughts and feelings may still arise, but as long as they do not plaguing you, as it seems they are now, you are doing better.
This is a great opportunity for you to learn about yourself and discover how you are in experiencing a breakup. Relationships are all about discovery, and it sounds like you got a lot from this relationship that will be useful for you down the road. There is no instant cure for grieving, you just work it out within your self. Each person does it their own way. Your head may get involved with reasoning and logic, etc., but this is a matter of the heart. Give you self space and time to heal, and love your self; don’t beat your self up.
The saying is “it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all,” but you have not lost, you have succeeded, with his help, and now you can use that to go to another level. You have something now, because of that relationship, which you did not have before. Realize that. We can not learn how to have healthy relationships by avoiding relationships.
Peace and Good Journey
