[Fatimasque]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

What follows is pretty close to the nose considering, David.

My father was killed when my mother was six months pregnant with me and almost committed suicide. had it not been for me she would have "followed him". Ever since then she's been waiting to be released although she doesn't talk about that, but through the years I've had hints that she doesn't want to be here. My father 'visits' the both of us from time to time and she's very aware of her presence, and he lets us know if things aren't right with the other. She doesn't fear death but she's accepting that she's here now, although sometimes she's not very accepting. I u8nderstand how that feels. While her head i9s here, her heart certainly belongs somewhere else.

She's in the advanced stages of dementia and is currently in the hospital because she's been having heart problems, her grip on this world is slackening little by little. I think of how I might react when she goes but I know that when the time comes it'll be very different. I know that it'll be one of three of her greatest days on this earth. What she's going through isn't a predicament it's a means to an end, the end being the day she can do what she's been waiting for sixty-odd years.

I have no doubt that these things were 'lined up' as you put it, they certainly have that 'feel' to them. I'm not looking for agency or metaphysical reasons but sometimes I sense these things. It's not so much Soul taxing but there's something far more wonderful playing things out. It's as though things have come to a natural, successful conclusion and the exit strategies are playing themselves through. Morals, interpersonal dependency and responsibility don't seem to have the same significance because there's something higher playing itself out here.

“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with… There's no place like home.”
Dorothy, Wizard of Oz

I don't want to cure or fix the problems because they have their place in creating 'me', but neither am I going to revel in their being here. While I can put them into a Spiritual context, there's another context where they suck ju8st the same. It's called balance. They are what they are. We are never given more than we can handle and in many ways they've been a blessing, I wouldn't have been able to change so many Lives without them.

You have your own Path David, and it was chosen by you because it's what your Soul needed. Be careful what you wish for though, because that is the stuff karma is born from. You are where you need to be and doing what you need to do - you are a Watcher.

Indeed a great post. thank you for sharing.
heart breaking and beautiful.

thank you