[Shivani Devi]

Om Swasti Astu.

To be in the presence of Almighty Shiva...it's like being faced with infinite options of equal bliss and beauty value and being told to choose one..the total awe of ecstatic indecision.

I don't know how I am supposed to BE Shiva, when I would be more than happy just to be a rudraksha bead on the mala close to His heart...or the tiger which gave its life to become the Lord's loincloth..maybe a strand of matted hair kissed by Holy Mother Ganga...a snowflake touched by His Lotus feet on Kailasha ..however, I am not even worthy to be any of those things.

There are times when He will take my hand and say "may I have the pleasure of this dance?" and the universe could swallow me up at that point, so I go "thanks, but I think I'll just watch the master do it...I will probably just tread on your holy toes anyway".

When I try to meditate on Lord Shiva, it is difficult for me to focus on the form in its entirety...sometimes I will meditate on His blue throat or His Trishula or the Moon in His hair, or His Third-Eye or His Tiger Skin or even His mount, Nandi..try to meditate on that all at once and my attention wavers between all the different facets and aspects of the Divine...with a FULL understanding that they are limitless and infinite...not just confined to the form that Shiva represents in material reality.

So, I needed to meditate on something which represents ALL of this, without being hung up on any particular part of the whole...so enter the Shiva Lingam. It's simplistic form enables easy focus as a "placeholder" for the Absolute, in the same way as the mantra A-U-M does likewise.

The Lingam focuses the energies like a transcendental telephone between form and formless.

...and no, I still don't believe that I am Shiva.. although, He can choose to be me at any time.

Aum Namah Shivaya