Hi!
First of all congratulate yourself on going close to commiting suicide but listening enough to your soul not to do it.That should tell you that you have a purpose to fulfill on this plane of existence.Any idea what that is?In my world everything happens for a reason good or bad. Once the lesson is learnt,You don't have to keep repeating it and can let it go forever.Once you do that you are healed.
What is your passion in life? What do you want to do or become?What gifts were you born with?
Love and Light
Gerry