It's good you feel you are done with him, mean too the trauma bond is easier. You were/are the real man of the family and no doubt they all know it. And I mean your "dad" too. Very sorry about your Mom. Wish you healing.

I think one lesson is to have self love, self respect and have your boundaries where they ought to be. That is for sure something your dad used/abused to violate. I think actions of evil makes others suffer and think more and be more strong of what is right and what is wrong and fight for good.

I've seen in my own family a clear contrast between the selfish/immature ones and those I call the "gentle people". I can not say if the "gentle people" are taken for a ride or not, but I still wonder how the souls of the selfish/immature, even "evil" ones got mixed up in there in the first place. I can go back and see one generation after the other. It is two pieces of a puzzle that fit, but where as the gentle people are less benefited from it. The other kind pick and chose those as it will be most beneficiary for themselves (selfish). It is also the story of opposites attract, and why is that? I don't know. Just something in the energies, I suppose.

I hope that the few people in my life that has made my life very difficult at times are in reality "up there" good spirits and have only taken on the bandit-mask to play in this life. But it can too be that they will be more or less bandits in lots of lives ahead as that is their chose to be, that is their pattern, that is what they have learned, til they finally change. That is their road. If that is so I hope/think you will recognize such a spirit in life ahead and avoid. I've made 2 past life regression discoveries of 2 of my "bandits" in my life, 1 of which I was at first sure was not part of my soul group. This because I had difficulty connecting like I normally do with the others. I had trouble connecting as that someone was wearing one mask after another (psychopathy), the only time I felt a connection was when I didn't, that was when his mask came off and he showed me what he was really made off, (and from that I still have memory blanks). The other bandit's energy I had felt way earlier I even met this one in this life and knew when we first met there was something wrong. From what I can tell even if it is only fragments is that either of these 2 were particular good spirits in our previous lives together, so then that is not so encouraging I suppose. I understand your thoughts, I think, but I don't have a clear answer for you.

I think in one way I was taught to show empathy even for those who has not showed it to me, and that that will lift me higher in my own development, but that don't mean one is suppose to expose one self to more of evil actions just because.

I sometimes wonder if we just are born into and follow the energy streams of the past family history and just go there as part of a wave. I know now that my mother was not sensitive but my dad was and she pretty much moped the floor with him in court getting custody of me as part of her revenge. I had been close with my dad. I had had an emotional connection with my dad. And he was completely erased from my life. There was childhood trauma for me. I had been independent early on and my family would always say they never worried about me. My mom had unrealistic expectations of me and she violated my boundaries, would do silence treatment, would try to quilt trip me...she was out to dominate her relationships. This all from her fear. Thus my boundaries were not were they were suppose to be. I was programmed to first feel in the other one's emotions before mine. That had at first been my way of survival and now it was in my nature and normal to me. But too because I had been shown empathy from my dad and the gentle people. While I was to later be in a relationship with a man (even engaged) he had no sensitivity to him at all (psychiatrist thought he was on the psychopath scale) and I swear it, I was numbed. I could not feel my own emotions. My survival had been adapting to his. I worked well on the surface but there was sleep deprivation, anxiety, even depression at some level, increasing. Once I got far away enough from him and he was trying to pull me back in I had my first experience of what a panic attack was. I went from having no feelings, to denying too if I felt something (I would cry alone at times, overwhelmed, hiding in our place, but still not being sure on why I was so unhappy) to feeling everything. All that accumulated fear.

My patterns were in my childhood, unresolved trauma and I was reliving it and not understanding why I had such trouble in my love life when most of my other relationships in life were stable and positive, and still are. I was not aware.

Me choosing a man who was not sensitive was me choosing my mom (kinda disturbing if you ask me, first time I heard it I went Whaaat...?) and what had gone wrong in our relationship and now in a way trying to fix that. I too chose a man who was not sensitive because I believed (and here is the tricky part, the final step of abuse) I was not cut out, I was not strong enough because I was so sensitive, so I needed a "strong man" by my side. Choosing a man who is not sensitive...is not choosing a man who is strong (What was I thinking?!)

I know "the gentle people" in my family would tell my mom that she had to think about how she expressed herself to people, that she could hurt people. She complained that that made no difference at all and then that was the receivers problem and not hers. She didn't care. My husband has the mix of being not sensitive, but also sensitive, and I saw both elements in him, and know now that is one of the signs of someone on the autism spectrum. when I first saw the not sensitive side of him I remember I backed off and thought something like "Not again" (a reminder of my psychopath-ex), but then I saw his sensitivity (and in that I think I saw one of the sides I had missed in my dad) and I was pulled towards. Let's just say there has been a pull back and forth ever since, LOL. My husband has said himself that he knows and been told he can come off as not sensitive when he speaks but that his intention is not hurt and there has been times he has hurt me real bad and then I can see too that he suffers from that. Me being as tolerant as I was of that before was because to me that was normal, that was my mom's way of talking.

I think what ever one is going to look into it is going to be one layer after another of finally understanding how the dots connects, and then I think when we do we free ourselves, and we go "up, up" where we belong. I hope so, at least.

You seem to have much more clarity of your family situation and yourself, than I have had. I too think that your mom having been exposed to that kind of evil for as long as she was has effected her body for sure. In the end I believe in the laws of the Universe, karma and believe that good will win in the end, and your mom is good, and so are you and your sis.