Very sweet of you to write that, Lostsoul13. Abuse and mental abuse can create over time, repetitive experiences, chronic trauma, different degrees of it, I've learned.

It has also been pointed out to me that few of the things the ex/psychopath did to me goes under the list of what is abuse (Physical abuse). I did not know that. I thought you had to have bruises. I did not have any. No broken bones. Why before it has been important to me to write emotional abuse or mental abuse, not abuse. I think he was testing the waters to see what he could get away with, making my boundaries unclear to see as he would at the same time make me confused as to what he was doing and he wanted that.

I had not been taught what was emotional and physical abuse. I thought perhaps I knew at least about physical abuse. Turns out I didn't. At the time I was trying not to show him that I was afraid, and I thought if I stayed calm and tried to reassure than it would be OK you know. OK. But it was not OK.

Yes I am happy today for the inner journey, improvement my husband has done primarily for himself. I would tell him that when we were split up in the past that he should not do this for anyone else, not for me, but for him, if he truly wants to as I believed he would come out of the process more strong and free than before, not chained down. He is someone so different today. Sure, I wish he had been like that before. That the pain and struggles had not divided us before, that it had to go that far. But he was also someone who was ignoring the problems. He was not used to direct communication. I was difficult to him just because I was honest and told him what i saw, how I read the situation.

I have set my mind that I don't want a child to pay for it's parents sin, of us not having done our inner work but then instead just carried over the old sins.