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Clio, it is not okay for someone to abuse you in that manner, no matter what the situation. There is no excuse for his behavior. If he has mental issues he needs to get professional help. Covid is no excuse.
You learned some very valuable lessons from this situation. You listed them. Setting and maintaining personal boundaries and now when someone tells you of an acquaintance showing a dark side, you believe them. Very valuable lessons.
And while going through this horrific scene you were not 'physically' harmed. Maybe mentally and emotionally bullied but physically you were able to run away from him if you had to.
We, as women, have been taught to be passive. Don't make waves. Doubt yourself when faced with an aggressive person. What could I have done differently? Did I cause that?
Clearly I can see red flags all over your post (from him not you). Try standing in front of a full length mirror and practice setting boundaries. Think up a scenario and verbally act out scene how you want to tell them to back away. It will feel very uncomfortable at first. Maybe buy a book on how to set and maintain boundaries. And read it. Since we are not taught to defend ourselves we have to learn it. I am not pointing the finger at your parents. We all do it. But it's situations like yours that you realize your need to be aggressive in such situations aggressiveness needs to be strengthened.
I'm sure your mom was frantic when you told her what was happening. Having her baby so far away and her unable to protect you must have given her sleepless nights.
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