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Would have, should have, could have, is only giving your power away.
I've been in a really abusive relationship for 10 years. I also got red flags very early on. I also chose to ignore those. Had I not, it could've saved me 10 years of hell on Earth, but... I also wouldn't have the beautiful things I learnt through it.
I never really slipped into the would have, should have, thing. It's pointless. Instead I looked at why it could happen (my part in this that is) and what the gems are that I got from it. And those are a great many!
I also see that I could've had an easier journey IF I had taken on the lessons that I obviously needed to learn. But I never did, I was too afraid. If I had done that before meeting him, I would've learnt the lessons and would've gotten the gems as well, but in a much much gentler way.
But again, I didn't face those lessons, I shied away, tried to get around them.
Clearly my Soul needed to learn it and then it was provided for me in a way I could not circumvent: a love relationship.
I never really regret it as I would not have gotten the gems without it. The only thing I feel uncomfortable about at times, guilty, is that it also affected my children AND my relationship with my children.
But then I also know that my kids needed that too, and they both got valuable gems from it. My relationship with them has been restored over the years. The support of my last partner in this (not the abusive dude) also helped. I discussed my guilt with him and he said, you had no choice at the time. And you did the best you could.
Getting that support and understanding soothed the guilt I still held, also my daughter especially saying that I do not need to feel guilty. That she knows now and understands how incredibly hard it was for me. We cried together.
In an odd way I'm glad it happened as it made me into who I am and who I am supposed to be: a confident, empowered woman with a lot of wisdom to share. I'm a great coach of women. And weirdly enough the abusive situation also strengthened my intuition, and with that me setting foot on the spiritual path. I guess the inner Heart seeks something that brings joy and happiness, even in the direst of situations. For me it was that.
So even when it comes to spirituality and intuition I wouldn't have been who I am today without this horrible relationship.
In any case, long story short, look at what you had to learn from it and what you took away from it, the gems, that you didn't have nor would have if this hadn't happened.
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