- thanks Traveler and for the books. :)
Originally Posted by astralsuzy
If someone is shouting, angry or nasty it makes you feel awful. Your mood changes. I think it happens to everyone.
Well, gee, that doesn't happen to me.
I can stand in front of someone having some tantrum of sorts and be uneffected...even directed at
(And in front of others!)
Cuz I know it's their
issue, their thing...it may or may not have anything to do with me.
Ex: I may have closed a door too hard and THAT was what a parent did right before they got scolded.
I can not help that they got triggered cuz they have not dealt with childhood traumas.
If I really did a wrong thing - of course, I will say sorry and try not to do 'that' again.
But their over-reaction does not enter me in any way.
(Used to, sure, before I understood all this.)
The use of ''someone makes me feel'' was shot down in maybe the first therapy session I ever had...''No one can 'make' you feel anything...no one can 'push your button'.''
We aren't robots, it was explained to me, with buttons...we are in charge of what what feel ..
and no one has that power over us...unless, of course we allow that.
It was the beginning of my growth as an adult taking charge of my life
probably around 1995, not that long ago!!
It may have begun, tho, in 1980 when I first read and applied an Assertiveness training paperback book...
way before the words ''Co-dependent
and Thought Behavioral Therapy''